The shame of others is a feeling that is born from social intelligence based on empathy. That is, the human being has the ability to put himself in the place of the other or to project himself into possible future situations similar to those he observes in other people.
In this way, the feeling of ridicule cannot only be suffered from a fact of their own, but also in terms of otherness (from the interpretation of how I would feel if I were in that place). Why do we feel embarrassed? In Transkerja.com, we answer this question.
Take the reality of others as your ownThe feeling of shame is very conditioned by the person's own perception and personal point of view. When you feel embarrassed by a situation that you live as if it were your own, you are not so conditioned by that objective fact observable in itself, but by your own beliefs and previous experiences.
That is to say, you project your own fear of ridicule in a situation in which you think you would feel that way if you were the protagonist of that scene you are seeing. However, in many moments you will be able to observe how freedom also manifests itself at this point when, when you feel shame, you observe that person free and sure of himself, without being conditioned by what others think.
Your mind receives constant stimuli from the practical experiences of living. In this way, when you observe a scene that generates in you this feeling of shame you can return to you emotions related to similar situations of the past that have conditioned you in the first person. That is, you establish an association of ideas between what you are seeing and your own life. Sometimes, this feeling also arises from social learning.
Through the experience of the shame of others, the person also establishes the conclusion that he wants to differentiate himself from that someone from what the other does and he himself would avoid. However, the interpretation of reality is not innate but arises from specific filters, for example, social norms, education and cultural patterns.
The smaller the area of vital comfort of a person, the more likely it is to suffer this feeling recurrently. On the contrary, who has a greater mental openness, is less vulnerable to this conditioning. Human beings are different, but also, we have points in common. This common nature establishes the point of departure towards the comparison of interpersonal realities.
Because your friends and family are a reflection of youWhy do we feel embarrassed when we are close to people we love? The embarrassment of others is especially uncomfortable in a situation. For example, when it is someone from your group of friends or relatives who says something that seems out of place. In addition, then, you worry that the image that that person with you can produce can affect you.
This circumstance is relatively frequent when you are very concerned about wanting to cause a good image in a moment that is significant for you and this desire to have everything under control makes any gesture of spontaneity that breaks with the criterion of what would be logical for you. Especially uncomfortable for you
How is your own self-esteem? Try to reflect on your level of security when you live a moment of these characteristics since this may be a symptom that you need to love yourself a little more and not give so much importance to the criteria of others. Instead of interpreting this situation from the perspective of the other, try to draw a personal conclusion about what this feeling can say about yourself.
How to overcome the shame of othersIf this feeling conditions you recurrently, how can you overcome it?
- Each person is unique and unrepeatable in the literal sense of the expression. Therefore, try to observe those situations of others that produce some kind of shame of others without making so many negative value judgments. Sometimes, it may happen that there is some information that you do not know about that situation that does not allow you to understand it in its entirety.
- In turn, try to learn from those situations to put into practice the sense of humor to train the comic side of reality. Life also has its dose of comedy. If you perform the exercise of commenting on any of these situations with your nearest environment, you will realize that there is no single possible interpretation of that external fact. Wherever you feel embarrassed, others will observe a funny situation.
- Theater classes. The experience of the different techniques of interpretation is therapeutic to improve emotional management and live different situations from a greater emotional distance from the opportunity to interpret a character. The theater classes for amateurs are pedagogical at a vital level.
- Do not let the fear of ridicule be a constant brake on your life because, then, you will stop doing many important things for you before the mere possibility of living some circumstance of this type. In this other article, we help you to learn to overcome the sense of ridicule.