Surely on many occasions you have not dared to carry out any activity for fear of what they will say if you do it wrong or if you make a fool of yourself. It is a feeling of loss of dignity, and of fear of being humiliated. The origin of the feeling of shame is in our survival instinct.
In the old days, and in a way also today, we needed to belong to a group in order to survive, so taking a ridiculous action could mean that we were expelled from that group and, therefore, our ability to survive would be minimal. Thus, the feeling of shame is a residue of that primal instinct to survive. At present, on many occasions it has lost its function and is nothing more than an obstacle in our day to day life. Therefore, it is important to know how to deal with it.
In this article, we tell you how to lose shame , the characteristics of shame and the types of shame that exist.
Meaning of shame
Shame is an emotion or feeling of discomfort caused by the fear that our action will cause rejection in others. In other words, it is also a disturbance of the emotional state due to a committed action that is socially considered humiliating. It is an emotion that limits us due to the fear of being rejected. For this reason, shameful people tend to avoid certain situations or contexts for fear of making a fool of themselves.
Do you want to know how to lose your shame? Read on to learn about the characteristics of shame and how to overcome this feeling.
Why are we ashamed?
Perhaps you have often wondered why we feel ashamed. The main causes of this feeling are the feeling of vulnerability we feel in front of others, due to social prejudices, and the fear of being excluded for making a fool of ourselves if we do not follow the standards most valued by society. The fear of being rejected makes us adapt to the pre-established norms and judge those behaviors or actions that deviate from them.
If you want to know more about shame, in the following article you will find information about why I am ashamed of everything .
Types of shame
How many types of shame are there? We can distinguish different types of shame. Let's see what they are:
- Loving : the fact that a person knows that we have loving feelings towards him and rejects us can lead to a great feeling of shame.
- For being exposed : the reason for the shame is because they have discovered us in a situation, for example, intimate or that they have exposed a mistake of yours publicly.
- By expectations : sometimes the problem arises because we have high expectations about our future, so that, by not achieving these achievements, we feel ashamed.
- Social exclusion : one of the types of shame is social exclusion. Not being invited to a meal or a plan with friends can make you feel displaced and a feeling of shame arises.
- Outsider : we can feel ashamed of others when accompanied by someone who can draw attention to their way of dressing, their behavior or their way of thinking, can lead to a feeling of shame. In this article, you will see why we feel embarrassed .
There are a number of characteristics that can help you identify your feeling of shame. Next, we will see what are the characteristics of shame:
- On many occasions it is unconscious so we do not know that we have it.
- It is very long-lasting , that is, despite having ended the situation that could cause us shame, this feeling lasts over time.
- The emotions and feelings that arise as a result of it, such as low self-esteem, sadness, anxiety, are very intense.
- It is accompanied by thoughts , images , negative phrases originating in childhood. Examples of this is thinking that oneself is stupid, useless, the feeling of not being enough, among others.
- The most primary origin, as we said at the beginning of the article, is due to our primary survival instincts . However, there are factors that occur during childhood that can cause some people to have greater feelings of shame than others. On many occasions, the parents of a child send negative messages every time they make a mistake, causing these messages to end up internalized and making that child feel increasingly insecure to start an action.
Read on to learn how to lose embarrassment with very simple exercises.
Exercises to remove embarrassment
How to overcome shame? There are dynamics for losing shame. We recommend the following exercises to remove embarrassment:
- Accept to have imperfections : if you assume that at some point you can be wrong and make a mistake you will not be ashamed if it happens. Expose your flaws with grace, so that by acknowledging their existence they lose importance to others. In this article, we tell you how to laugh at yourself .
- Set goals : in addition to setting goals to achieve, try to force yourself to meet them as well. If at any time you are afraid of being ridiculed, remember what your goal is and do not let that fear stop you from achieving it.
- See who you surround yourself with : If you surround yourself with people who are too shy, who fear making mistakes or who judge others when they make them, you will surely end up having greater feelings of shame. On the contrary, try to surround yourself with people who care to enjoy themselves and forget what others are doing or what others think about them.
- Work on your self-esteem : if you live pending what others will say about you, it is because surely your opinion about yourself is not very positive. Analyze what you think about yourself and try to modify those messages for more positive ones. Remember that your value does not change because of what others think. Discover how to improve self-esteem .
- Be objective : sometimes we get to analyze situations in a too subjective way that prevents us from seeing what reality is like. To lose your shame, try to have a third-person point of view: What would you think of someone who has made that mistake? Surely you would not have a bad opinion of that person or, at least, it would not be anything similar to what you think they would have of you if you made that same mistake.
- Expose yourself : to overcome shame, expose yourself to what causes you shame. You can start with those situations that do not cause you as much anxiety and end with those that cause you more anxiety. This is the best way to fight your fears.