By being emotionally open, we refer to those moments in which we share intimate feelings belonging to our personal sphere with other people.
We all need friends in our lives, whether it's a simple friendship or relationship, as social beings we like to have people involved in our lives, but relationships are difficult and many of us find it difficult to open up to others among other things because of vulnerability, insecurities, emotional traumas, lies, best friends that become treacherous, etc.
“Why does it cost me to open up to others?” In this article on Transkerja.com, we tell you some reasons why opening up to others can be very difficult for you.
Why does it cost you to talk to people?Open is a kind of invitation to others to share things with us, it is something satisfying, but it can also become very difficult. It makes us feel vulnerable, psychologically naked and generally anxious. However, it is important in the sense that we let others understand how we really think, how we feel and what we believe in.
Some reasons why you keep wondering, “Why is it hard for me to open up to others?” Are the following:
Fear of being vulnerableThe difficult part of being emotionally open comes from the fear produced by vulnerability. When a person is open and an adequate level of trust is not built, he may feel that in the future he will be a prey to situations that involve a certain emotional openness. Without a certain level of confidence, opening up emotionally can be a death sentence. This may be due in part to problems of trust in past relationships.
Those people who are afraid to open up to others have doubts about whether others, be they friends or a partner, are going to hurt them. To do this you have to show them that you will really take care of them and that is demonstrated slowly, over the course of the months.
Insecurity can be very intenseThe lack of emotional availability is one of the main causes of the disappearance of any relationship. People tend to close emotionally because of their insecurities that may or may not be based on previous experiences. Each one brings our backpack of previous experiences and, although we try to influence the least in the present, they do it. It is important to know what to do in the face of emotional insecurity.
Do not practiceSometimes the main reason why some people have difficulty opening up is that they do not know how. There are people who have been raised in homes where it was not common to express or share emotions among family members and for that reason they do not know how to do it. They may even have at some point tried to express them out of necessity and have been humiliated by their relatives who see it as a weakness.
Old memoriesPeople who have experienced emotional abuse: negative judgments, humiliations ... in previous relationships can have difficulties to trust and open emotionally to other people, it would be treated as a kind of defense mechanism.
I find it difficult to relate to people: what do I do?While it is true that there are people who find it difficult to relate to others, you can follow these tips to make it easier for you to open up emotionally:
1. Identify your feelingsHow can you know what you are feeling? Become aware of the movements and sensations of your body. Do you feel pressure in your chest? Are you smiling or frowning? Once you feel the sensations of your body, you can identify the feelings associated with them.
Find the right words to describe your feelings. Try to write down the words several times a day and look for a pattern or trend.
2. Talk about those feelingsAfter identifying your feelings, you can choose to share them with your friends, partner or relatives. If this is something new for you, you will feel uncomfortable, but you should keep in mind that it is normal. The more you practice sharing your feelings, the more natural you will feel.
If you do not want to, there is always the option of not sharing them, taking into account that by blocking the expression of your feelings, you are limiting the level of intimacy with your surroundings.
3. ListenSharing your feelings is the starting point. You can also listen to the feelings of others. This can be a great challenge if it is something you have not done before. While listening to others talk about their feelings, you should not be doing other things at the same time and keep good eye contact.
4. Validate your feelingsNormally when we are small, our family validates the expression of feelings, but in your case may not have produced the message that it is okay to feel and express feelings, which invalidates a child's ability to define their own experience and feelings. Validating feelings helps the person trust their own emotions.
5. Keep in mind that making mistakes is normalLearn from your past mistakes, every emotional or behavioral error is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and those around you. Learning about the feelings of others is the way to develop your emotional intelligence. The more you learn, the deeper your emotional intimacy becomes.
I do not like to relate and open up with othersOpening up emotionally and being honest can produce a lot of fear. At first, it may seem impossible, but in the end, it is better than containing the feelings. A good identification and expression of feelings is related to good mental health.
For this reason, if you keep asking yourself “why is it hard for me to open up to others?" It is important that you follow the above advice in addition to others. The loneliness we feel when we do not open ourselves to others will be replaced by security, tenderness and new closeness in your relationships.
The rewards we get from opening up to other people are very powerful. Sharing your most intimate feelings and being accepted is a basic human need and can be very healthy.