The Guide to Dealing With Envious and Toxic People (Not for Everyone)
Have you ever been envious? Have you felt that they envy you?
Envy is a set of feelings that arises from a very basic desire: you want what you think someone else has.
It is that feeling of discontent, sadness or anger that we experience because we do not possess what someone else has, be it material things, physical and emotional qualities, achievements or events that we wish for ourselves. We suffer for what we do not have.
Many times it is reflected in wanting the success and skills or qualities of other people, reaching the point of comparing yourself and feeling very bad for the lack that you think you have.
Years ago I was able to observe this behavior closely in a college classmate.
This person was very diligent and got the best grades; however, when an exchange student who was also proficient in the subject arrived, his demeanor suddenly changed.
He did everything he could to make it appear that the new student was wrong or had flaws that had little to do with his academic performance. I just wanted to discredit him and "end the competition."
I realized that in the end, this behavior only affects one person: the envious. The envied person is not affected if he is not "attacked" by whoever is envious, who is the only person who suffers and has negative and inferior thoughts .
Why people are envious
A person is envious of another when he believes that he is inferior to this, even if he is not. If you are envious of someone, it is because you feel inferior in some way. You think the other person is better than you and you don't like to accept that.
When envy is born within a friendship, it can experience significant tension or conflict . Friendship is built on trust and mutual support, so competition (the very essence of envy) seriously damages the foundation of friendship.
It is very difficult to relax and trust a friend who does n't really want the best for you. There are many reasons why someone can feel envy, and here I show you the 5 most important reasons:
1. The amount of money you have or earn
Money matters . In groups or social circles where people often earn a lot of money, the comparisons can be very frequent and intense. In this environment, someone who does not earn much is aware that their environment has much more money.
These differences tend to awaken in many people a root of envy or desire to become like other people, even to be able to "fit" into that social group.
2. Romantic relationships
If having a partner is something that matters a lot to you, you should know that romantic relationships are one of the main reasons for envy in people.
The envious person usually lives in a constant social comparison , which ends up seriously affecting his self-esteem.
They even come to obsessively wonder about the differences between them and others who do have a partner, entering a vicious circle of discouragement, and in the worst case, depression.
3. Physical attractiveness
Being envious of physical appearance is most common during early adulthood, especially in the 20s. Likewise, it is often in adolescence that physical attractiveness becomes important.
People with low self-esteem magnify their deficiencies and tend to envy their "better attractive" friends .
His thinking is that his "hot friends" have an unfair advantage in dating.
4. Professional success
Men and women usually do not envy the professional success of one of their close friends; but they are likely to envy that successful friend if he makes more money.
However, having a friend who is more successful in the same profession or company can produce great envy .
For example, if you are a lawyer and your friend, who has studied with you and works in the same company, is promoted; a kind of competition or friendship problems may arise .
5. Through social networks
Social networks often cause strong feelings of envy .
This makes sense, since people self-select their photos in the happiest moments of their lives, whether with their partner or smiling in a group photo telling the world that they have it all.
Users of the most popular social networks such as Facebook and Instagram experience envy of their friends' activities and lifestyles, and are likely to experience feelings of depression in the long run.
How to know if a person is toxic
A toxic person is one who by relating to you affects your motivation, inspiration and emotional well-being. That radiates negative energy . The best way to tell if a person is toxic is by noting how you feel after treating them.
One sign is whether you felt that it brought something good to your life or the opposite. Even if they don't mean to, toxic people can bring out the worst in you.
You deserve to be with people who make you enjoy the moment , who support you, and like spending time with them. Therefore, it is very important that you learn to identify these types of people and avoid them.
Pay attention to these 7 signs to identify a toxic person . If when reading these signs someone in your life in particular comes to mind, it is most likely someone toxic.
1. They try to control you
Although many people have a tendency to be controlling . There is a big difference between someone who likes to have everything in order and someone who tries to manipulate others at will.
The moment you feel that someone is trying to "force" you to do something you really don't want or change your way of being, acting or thinking; it will be time to reconsider your company .
2. They lie to you constantly
These people are compulsive liars. Whether they are big or small, they lie to everyone . If you see that someone lies to many people, you can be sure that they are lying to you too.
Get that negativity out of your life ! The people who have a positive impact on us are those we can trust. Beware of those dishonest people who will only hurt you.
3. They are always the victims
They like to be the victim always. This is a very subtle way of being toxic, but it is one of the most common ways. That person who lives complaining about bad things that happen to him will only bring negativity into your life.
As compelling as it sounds, they just want life and other people to give them more than they are willing to give. Don't fall for their game!
4. They gossip and only talk about other people
Another distinctive trait of toxic people is an enthusiasm for gossip , especially those who are too strong. If you are constantly around a compulsive gossip they probably have the same disrespect for you .
Just talking about other people is annoying and boring in the long run, so it is much better for you to stay away from these types of people . The only thing they will bring you is trouble.
5. They covet all the time
Another way that toxic people negatively affect our lives is by being greedy .
If you do some type of business with someone close to you and only take into account what you earn in each situation, eventually, the one who will be harmed will be you.
You may not notice this at first, but over time you will realize that his personality will make you change your mood that will probably end in a path of breakdown and resentment.
6. They always think they are right
They often try to dominate all conversations. They think they are the smartest people in the room and that everyone else is wrong.
With these people, small, humorous conversations will quickly turn into violent arguments.
When someone views conversation as a challenge that must be won , it is almost impossible to have a healthy relationship. Leaving toxic friends is crucial in life to feel confident, free, and capable.
7. They are negative
No matter what you try or do with this person, everything will always be less than what you expected or wanted . This person is the one who complains non-stop, completely ruins your day, and will probably blame you.
When you find that someone's negativity is constantly interfering with your ability to have a good time, it's time to keep your distance and move on.
What to do with envious people
Throughout your life, yes or yes you will have to deal with envious people. Although the best thing you can do is avoid these types of people , it will not always be that easy. You have to learn to live with them and cope with them.
It is very unlikely that a person will tell you that they directly envy you, they may not even be aware of their emotional insecurity. But it will be easy to tell by identifying some of the signs we mentioned above.
If you have realized that there are many people or, at least, one person who is envious of you, here I will give you some steps to follow so as not to let this person affect your life.
1. Stay away from envious people
Remember that if someone is envious of you, it is their problem. You are not doing anything wrong and you should not let this affect you.
In general, many tend to express their envy with negative behavior and comments towards you or your work. Ignore them. If you let it affect you, you will be agreeing with them.
If you can cut all kinds of relationships with this person, do it. Focus on yourself and the people who do want to see you succeed. Envy is a sign that you are doing things right.
2. Examine their behavior
They will not always be so explicit to show their envy. You can even tell about someone's feelings by observing how they react , not just in words but also with body expressions or facial gestures.
When a person questions your abilities or says things like "you will not make it" , it is very likely that they are envious. Especially if other people tell you otherwise.
Envious people often talk to others about you , this is another red flag.
3. Try to help him or talk about his feelings
Talk to this person about how they feel. Especially if you cannot ignore it, it is better to face the situation . Make the other person see that the way they express themselves makes you uncomfortable or is not correct.
You do not seek to alter her further, only to make her see that her attitude does not do anyone any good and that it is better to change it.
A good way to help an envious person is by being more positive than usual when relating to them. Make her see her best attributes, show kindness and help her to be better or achieve what she envies you for.
You can also talk about your personal difficulties so that she doesn't feel like she is the only person with problems and you can relate to her.
Offer your help to improve or ask him to support you with something where you can highlight his qualities.
4. Talk to someone else
Many times, we only act under our own perception, and that is when we fail because we do not have a broader vision of the situation in which we find ourselves.
If you are not sure if a person is envious of you, talk to other people to get their point of view. Having an outside opinion will help you better identify the situation.
If you managed to identify her, be sure to be empathetic and show kindness in your actions. Who can harm you if you seek mutual good? Always be wise and kind.
5. Find out what made that person like this
All people are a different universe. With doubts, shortcomings and unique life experiences. That is why we must treat with great care those we do not know very well, but who we know are envious of us.
To know how to treat that person, it is important to know the reason for their envy. Many times your reactions can originate from various sources; The greatest of them is the fear of not feeling respected or loved.
It is not about sharing a deep friendship relationship, but about understanding their situation and acting maturely taking into account their reasons.
In our life there will always be people who will be envious of us, whether for what we are, have or do. However, there are several ways to deal with these inevitable situations.
Remember that if people are envious of you, it is because you are doing something very well. Let that motivate you!