Five Steps to Learning How to Properly Deal With Envious and Toxic People
The first step towards a solution is knowing how to identify these types of people and the reasons why they have this attitude and resentment.
The envy is a set of feelings that arise from a very basic desire : wanting what someone else has.
It is that discontent, sadness or anger that we experience for not possessing what someone else has, be it material things , physical and emotional qualities , achievements or events that we wish for ourselves.
Many times it is reflected in wanting the success and skills of other people, reaching the point of comparing yourself and feeling very bad for the lack that you think you have.
This behavior only affects one person : the envious one . The envied person is not affected if he is not "attacked" by the one who envies him, who is the only person who suffers and has negative and inferior thoughts.
A person is envious of another when he believes that he is inferior to this, even if he is not. If you are envious of someone, it is because you feel inferior in some way.
There are many reasons why someone can be envious. The following are the top 5 reasons :
1. The amount of money you have or earn Money matters. In groups or social circles where people often earn a lot of money, the comparisons can be very frequent and intense.
In this environment, someone who does not earn much is aware that their environment has much more money.
These differences tend to awaken in many people a root of envy or desire to become like other people, even to "fit" into that social group.
2. Romantic relationships The envious person tends to live in constant social comparison, which ends up seriously affecting their self-esteem. They even come to obsessively wonder about the differences between them and others who do have a partner, entering a vicious circle of discouragement, and in the worst case, depression.
3. The physical attractiveness feel envious of the most common physical appearance is during the early years of adulthood , especially in 20 years. Likewise, it is usually in adolescence where physical attractiveness becomes important.
People with low self-esteem magnify their deficiencies and tend to envy their "better looking" friends. His thinking is that his "hot friends" have an unfair advantage in dating.
4. Professional success Men and women usually do not envy the professional success of one of their close friends; but they are likely to envy that successful friend if he makes more money.
However, having a friend who is more successful in the same profession or company can lead to great envy or friendship problems.
5. Through social networks Social networks often cause strong feelings of envy. People self-select their photos in the happiest moments of their lives, either with their partner or smiling in a group photo telling the world that they have it all.
Users of the most popular social networks such as Facebook and Instagram are envious of their friends' activities and lifestyles , and are likely to experience feelings of depression in the long run.
How to know if a person is toxic
A toxic person is one who, when interacting, affects the motivation, inspiration and emotional well-being of others. That radiates negative energy.
The best way to know if a person is toxic is to notice how you feel after treating them. If you felt that it contributed something good to your life or the opposite. Although not their intention, toxic people manage to bring out the worst in others.
Therefore, it is very important to learn to identify these types of people and avoid them. The following are 7 signs to identify a toxic person.
1. They try to control you Although many people have a tendency to be controlling. There is a big difference between someone who likes to have everything in order and someone who tries to manipulate others at will.
The moment you feel that someone tries to "force" you to do something that you really don't want or change your way of being, acting or thinking; it will be time to reconsider your company.
2. They lie constantly These people are compulsive liars . Whether they are big or small, they lie to everyone.
The people who have a positive impact on us are those we can trust. Beware of those dishonest people who will only hurt you.
3. are always the victims They like to be the victim forever. This is a very subtle way of being toxic, but it is one of the most common ways. That person who lives complaining about bad things that happen to him will only bring negativity into your life.
As compelling as it sounds, they just want life and other people to give them more than they are willing to give .
4. They gossip and only talk about other people Another distinctive trait of toxic people is their enthusiasm for gossip , especially those who are too strong. If you are constantly around a compulsive gossip they probably have the same disrespect for you.
Just talking about other people is annoying and boring in the long run, so it is much better to stay away from these types of people.
5. They covet all the time
Another way toxic people negatively affect you is by being greedy. If you do some kind of business with someone close to you and you only take into account what you earn in each situation, eventually, the one who will be harmed will be you.
Over time you will realize that his personality will make you change your mood, which will probably end in a path of breakup and resentment.
6. They always think they are right
They often try to dominate all conversations . They think they are the smartest people in the room and that everyone else is wrong.
With these people, small, humorous conversations will quickly turn into violent arguments .
When someone views a conversation as a challenge that must be won, it is almost impossible to have a healthy relationship . Leaving toxic friends is crucial in life to feel confident, free, and capable.
7. They are negative
No matter what you try or do with this person, everything will always be less than what you expected or wanted. This person is the one who complains nonstop, completely ruins your day, and will probably blame you.
When you find that someone's negativity is constantly interfering with your ability to have a good time, it's time to keep your distance and move on.
What to do with an envious person Throughout your life, yes or yes you will have to deal with envious people. Although the best thing you can do is avoid these types of people, it will not always be that easy. You have to learn to live with them and cope with them.
It is very unlikely that a person will tell you that they directly envy you, they may not even be aware of their emotional insecurity. But if you realize that there are many people or at least one person who is envious of you, the following are some steps to follow.
1. Stay away from envious people Remember that if someone is envious of you, it is their problem. You are not doing anything wrong and you should not let this affect you.
In general, many tend to express their envy with negative behavior and comments towards you or your work. Ignore them. If you let them affect you, you will be agreeing with them.
If you can cut all kinds of relationships with this person, do so. Focus on the people who do want to see you succeed . Envy is a sign that you are doing things right.
2. Examine their behavior They will not always be so explicit to show their envy. You can even tell about someone's feelings by observing how they react, not just in words but also with body expressions or facial gestures.
When a person questions your abilities or says things like "you will not make it" , it is very likely that they are envious . Especially if other people tell you otherwise. Envious people often talk to others about you, this is another red flag.
3. Try to help him or talk about his feelings Talk to this person about how he feels. Especially if you cannot ignore it, it is better to face the situation . Make the other person see that the way they express themselves makes you uncomfortable or is not correct.
Do not seek to alter her more , just make her see that her attitude does not do anyone any good and that it is better to change it.
A good way to help an envious person is by being more positive than usual when relating to them. Make her see her best attributes, show kindness and help her to be better or achieve what she envies you for.
You can also talk about your personal difficulties so that she doesn't feel like she is the only person with problems and you can relate to her. Offer your help or ask him to support you with something where you can highlight his qualities.
4. Talk to someone else Many times, we only act under our own perception, and that's when we fail because we do n't have a broader vision of the situation in which we find ourselves.
If you are not sure if a person is envious of you, it is best to talk to other people to get their point of view. Having an outside opinion will help you better identify the situation.
5. Find out what made that person is well Everyone is a different universe. With doubts, shortcomings and unique life experiences. That is why we must treat with great care those we do not know very well, but who we know are envious of us.
To know how to treat that person, it is important to know the reason for their envy . Many times your reactions can originate from various sources; The greatest of them is the fear of not feeling respected or loved.
It is not about sharing a deep friendship relationship, but about understanding their situation and acting maturely, taking into account their reasons.