Self-demand does not always lead to excellence. Sometimes it leads to depression or an anxiety disorder. Avoid treating yourself too harshly and take these indicators into account to avoid reaching counterproductive limits.
Self-demand. Upset at the error. Constant self-criticism ... Noticing the signs that you are too hard on yourself can serve as a barrier of containment and exercise health . At the end of the day, few practices can be more exhausting than that of someone who sets too high a bar before himself, the one that only causes frustration and suffering.
Why do we do it? Is it perhaps the result of our education? Is it perhaps due to an increasingly competitive social environment? The factors that orchestrate the behavior and attitude of the harsh person are almost always complex. Now, there is an essential problem in this regard: in many cases we link self-demand with a desirable virtue .
If you treat yourself harshly and aspire to obtain the maximum performance and the highest competence from yourself, you are a clear example to follow. However, be careful with these ideas, because everything has a limit. In that attempt to achieve personal fulfillment or even success, we can leave psychological health on the way. Moreover, often behind that severity with oneself is the shadow of low self-esteem .
Let's avoid going to these extremes.
7 signs you're too hard on yourself
Most of us live with an inner voice that loves to judge us. Sometimes it can be useful: thanks to it we make an effort, we learn from mistakes and we focus on our behavior to improve it. However, sometimes that entity also turns up the volume excessively and may choose to become tyrannical. Being harsh with oneself violates self-respect and damages self-esteem.
We are those people capable of self-sabotaging and not realizing it. Many of us can become our own worst enemies and the source of our own unhappiness. Spotting the signs that you are too hard on yourself can be your survival board. We analyze it.
1. Others' mistakes are understandable, yours punishable
The person who is treated harshly often shows very contradictory behaviors, attitudes and approaches. For example, there are those who see the mistakes of others as something normal and understandable, however, own mistakes are always severely punishable. This is linked once again with that negative critic mentioned above, with that voice obsessed with amplifying and seeing only the negative of oneself.
Thus, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Texas medical center show us the risk of this type of approach. Self-criticism and that harshness with ourselves is a variable that can lead us to a depressive disorder.
2. Even if things go well for you, you feel like you are failing
This reality is related to the impostor syndrome . It was in 1978 that Dr. Pauline Clance coined this interesting term. He did so when he saw a recurring phenomenon among his students: many of the high achievers doubted themselves, their efficacy and abilities.
Therefore, one of the signs that you are too hard on yourself is having the feeling that you are a fraud. It is feeling that, although others admire or praise your achievements, you perceive that none of it is real.
3. You think: I have to try harder! (although I have no strength left)
Self-demand can lead to physical and emotional masochism . They are those situations in which, even reaching the limits of our strength, efforts and resources, we tell ourselves that we must do more.
The mind is our worst enemy when it does not see limits, when it is not even aware of physical and emotional exhaustion.
4. If they treat you badly, you think you should change
Someone looks down on your work. At home they tell you that what you spend your time on is not worth it. Your partner tells you that if you lost a few kilos, maybe he would love you more ... And you believe it. In this constant tendency to sabotage, you take these comments for granted and tell yourself that, perhaps, you should pay attention and change.
Many of the signs that you are too hard on yourself stem from the same fracture: lack of self-esteem. Do not do it, do not allow those who treat you badly to vary the course of your dreams or alter the person you are .
5. What you like and need is secondary
You hardly have free time, moreover, you don't even allow it . You may be one of those people who sees moments of leisure and enjoyment as a waste of time . It is even possible that you are leaving your needs in the background because in your mind there is only one goal: to make an effort, to show yourself that you can achieve certain things.
Self-demand is not always synonymous with excellence. When we neglect self-care, moments of rest and pleasure, the mind is exhausted, the body becomes ill and well-being is blurred.
6. Signs that you are too hard on yourself: you blame yourself for things that do not depend on you
The summum of useless suffering comes when you start blaming yourself for circumstances, factors or variables that do not depend on you. If something goes wrong in your work, in the end you end up taking responsibility for yourself. If your partner comes home in a bad mood , you wonder what you could have done to make him feel that way.
Avoid it, do not fall into those islands of senseless discomfort, in those irrational thinking loops that only manage to boycott your self-esteem and well-being.
7. Minor mistakes are inexcusable punishments
Another sign that you are too hard on yourself is when you set the magnifying glass to a minimum error and amplify it . It doesn't matter that three months have passed since that failure, it still hurts and haunts you.
Nor do you care that no one has noticed that oversight or misstep; you are your worst judge and you punish yourself. This is undoubtedly another useless suffering mechanism that we should manage.
To conclude, it is necessary to build a more compassionate, more serene and kind mentality with oneself. Nobody deserves more appreciation and respect than oneself and, if we are not able to offer it, nobody will . Let's think about it.