Even the most seemingly established and happy families at some point in their family life have to deal with problems in their relationships. A conflict can occur when family members have different opinions or beliefs on various issues, sometimes it can be caused by misunderstandings that lead to erroneous conclusions.
When these conflicts are not resolved properly, it can lead to arguments and resentment, even to family breakdown. In this transkerja.com article, we show you how to solve a family conflict properly.
Types of family conflicts and examplesSome family conflicts may occur due to:
Trust issuesLack of trust in family relationships can lead to problems in the relationship. Without trust, the relationship loses its security. This can lead to harmful behaviors such as feelings of distrust or possession, the relationship not being a support.
Different expectationsOften problems in families appear when one of the members has long-term expectations different from those of the others, particularly in terms of professional career, family wishes, etc.
Change of circumstancesAs a family, it is difficult for all members to evolve at the same time. That is why the family needs to readjust to each stage. However, in some cases these mismatches can lead to conflicts.
Bad communicationIronically, although today we can be more communicated than before, people communicate worse. The success of a family lies, among other things, in effective communication. Good communication does not have to be continuous every day about banalities, but it must be a real interaction expressing feelings, desires and fears
Family conflict resolution tipsWhen we need to free you from negative emotions, negotiators metaphorically suggest that we go to the balcony and look at the conflict with some detachment. Easier said than done. However, here we will show you a three-step strategy that will allow you to take distance from the problem and get some clarity in order to resolve a family conflict.
Your own perspectiveThis step requires a high degree of self-awareness and self-awareness. This is achieved by asking yourself for what really matters to you.
What pain are you trying to avoid? What are you protecting yourself from? What needs are you trying to meet? Do you feel safe are you trying to connect with others or do you feel connected with yourself?
You should try to clarify what the conflict really means to you or what the conflict really is inside.
In fact, most likely, while the fight is about a specific issue, you are actually looking for something that is at a deeper level. Therefore, the important thing is to find out what that is through an introspection exercise.
The other's perspectiveThis step is essential. It requires that you have empathy and that through that empathy you gain a greater understanding of what is happening.
You must put yourself in the shoes of others. For a moment, leave your own judgment aside and do what is most appropriate to see the situation you are facing from the perspective of the other.
What could be influencing the position of the other? What experiences shape your thinking? What happens in your life? What needs are you satisfying with a particular behavior? Are you looking to get attention, love, etc.? In short, what is the intention of the other party?
You must go further and ask yourself: how can others interpret my words and behaviors? What can I do differently to know the underlying needs of others and meet mine at the same time?
When you combine the "insights”, you combine your perspective and that of others, to achieve a greater understanding of the conflict and the ways to resolve it.
The third part perspectiveOften, someone who is out of conflict can offer us a fresh perspective on the problem we are trying to solve. In this step, you must place yourself in the position of the third part observing the situation in which you are involved.
So imagine that you are sitting in the cinema, watching your conflict projected on the screen as if it were a movie. In addition, you must remain in the viewer's perspective, what can you say about the behavior of the characters in the movie? What advice could you give as a party not involved in the conflict?
Therefore, this strategy allows you to see the conflict from three perspectives, causing you to take emotional distance from the problem, gain greater insights and be able to achieve a deeper and deeper understanding of the conflict. Therefore, this strategy empowers you to resolve the conflict assertively.
Family problems: what to do?While it is true that each family is unique, often the relational problems that families have to face are similar, therefore, other tips for how to resolve a family conflict are as follows:
NegotiateSome suggestions include:
- Solve the problem if you think it is worth doing
- Try to differentiate or separate the person from the problem
- If you are very angry, try to calm down before acting
- You must bear in mind that the idea is to resolve the conflict and you do not win an argument
- Remember that the other party is not obligated to always agree with you at all
Define the problem
- Respects the other person's point of view by paying attention and listening
- Speak clearly and reasonably
- Try to find points in common
- Agree to disagree
- Try to be calm
- Try to set emotions aside
- Do not interrupt the other person while talking
- Listen actively to others
- Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you, if necessary ask
- Communicate your vision of the problem in a clear and honest way
- Resist the desire to solve the problem quickly and take the necessary time
Work as a team
- Bring together as many solutions as possible
- Commit yourself
- Make sure that each of you understands the solution chosen
- Once the solution is decided, you must respect it and adhere to it
- Make a contract, if necessary