Anger can create a lot of annoyance if we do not know how to manage it. Therefore, in this article on Transkerja.com, how to control anger, we explain what anger is, why you feel it, how to control it and various tips to better manage anger.
What is anger?Anger is an emotion experienced as a state of activation of discontent towards something or someone that is perceived as the source of a negative event. The emotional reaction can range from feeling a little irritated to suffering an attack of anger. It usually begins with low levels of irritation or discomfort and increases until it can explode in a crisis.
Cognition has a great role. Why? The thoughts feed the emotional reaction (anger, anger, and anger), bodily reactions (tachycardia, more temperature, muscle tension) and aggressive behavior (screaming, threatening, running ...). It is a vicious circle that also what it does is to feed the fact of having a selective attention to hostile stimuli that make us activate this circle. Are you aware of what thoughts are involved?
Why do I get angry?Anger is born from the interaction between internal factors (low self-esteem, difficulty controlling impulses, perfectionism, among others) and external factors (discussions, couple problems, problems at work, etc.).
Anger, like all other emotions, has a reason and an objective. In this case, anger helps us to realize that something we do not like or does not do us well.
It can manifest itself as a state that emerges at a certain moment due to the fact that it is going through a complicated and threatening moment or on the other hand it can be a tendency of the person, forming part of his personality.
We must understand that the personality is not changed, it is modified. A person may be predisposed to get angry. Or on the other hand, he may become angry as an isolated state and may be channeling it in this way because he does not know how to deal with it in any other way. In this case we should analyze if there is any emotion behind the anger: sadness, fear? In both cases, the most important thing is to understand it and learn to control it.
How to control angerTo control anger, the key is to understand that the problem is not in the things that happen to us but in how we react to it. It is not about repressing anger, but about making it conscious in order to address it in a more adequate way.
The first step is to know what is causing the anger and be aware of the automatic and negative thoughts that invade us. Thus, you can work to generate alternative thoughts that do not turn you on so much inside. We are going to put an example:
- Automatic thinking: "This is looking at me and I'm sure he thinks I'm an idiot."
- Alternative thinking: "This is looking at me, but I cannot know what he is thinking".
Tips to control angerBelow, you can read some practical considerations that will help you control your anger:
- The practice of relaxation, mindfulness, yoga ... can help you better manage your emotions. For example, Jacobson's Progressive Muscle Relaxation.
- Breathe! Spend a few minutes a day to focus on your breathing. Breathing deeply and slowly will decrease the physical symptoms.
- Learn to identify when anger appears to manage it in time. Do not let the "ball" get bigger because otherwise the explosion will be much worse. It is important to control your anger from the moment you start to feel it.
- Get away from the situation that is causing you anger in order to face it with more perspective. Do not draw fast conclusions, do not be impulsive and leave the place where the conflict is taking place.
- Communicate assertively and thus reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings. The assertive communication is vital. Stand up, listen, encourage empathy.
- Be responsible for your actions and learn to apologize.
- Write every day for 20-30 minutes and for 15 days what makes you angry. It is a way of expressing it until it is exhausted. If you repeat yourself it does not matter, write automatically, and remove it.
- Avoid situations that always irritate you until you know how to control anger effectively.
- Rest well! When we are tired our reactions are more impulsive. It is important to sleep well in order to have more tools to manage anger.
- Practice sport. It is a good way to release the tension of the body and the mind.
Everyone at some point in our lives has felt and will continue to feel anger and anger at certain situations. Anger, as well as joy, sadness and fear, are completely normal human emotions and, therefore, we cannot avoid experiencing.
In fact, it is necessary to feel them, understand them and process them. What can be harmful, especially if it occurs frequently, is when we lose control of this emotion, that is, when anger floods us and becomes extremely destructive.
Not being able to control anger , just as not knowing how to manage any type of emotion, can have consequences on our well-being and development in different areas of our life, such as, for example, the work, social, family, and so on.
Are you one of the people who do not know how to control anger? Do you feel that you are easily irritated by anything and cannot help it? Do you have more problems with yourself and other people because of this situation? In this article on how to control anger, let's get to know some tips that will undoubtedly help you to better manage this emotion.
How to control anger and aggression?
- Learn relaxation techniques. It is recommended that you learn some techniques to relax and practice them constantly in your day to day. Knowing and practicing relaxation techniques regularly will help you apply the relaxation when you need it. That is, when you find yourself in a situation that generates anger, you can better manage that emotion and not simply react to it. There are many relaxation techniques for adults, it is about trying and staying with the one that works best for each of us.
- Exercise. Exercise and physical activity are undoubtedly a great ally to help us reduce anger and aggressiveness that we can experience with anger. So it is necessary that we carry out this type of activities continuously. Within physical activity there is a wide range of options, from going for a walk, to running, to playing sports. Find the one that best suits your tastes and lifestyle. If you notice that at some point your anger is increasing, if you have the option, you can choose to take a moment away from the place and the person you are with and go for a walk or run. This will help you to calm down.
- Rest enough. When we feel physically and mentally depleted, our stress hormone increases. This encourages us to react impulsively to the presence of certain emotions, such as anger and aggression. So it is important to establish a healthy routine for physical rest and respect the hours of sleep.
- Avoid situations and people that can generate stress. It is important to know what to do in the face of stress. We must be clear about what are the main triggers that generate stress and that can lead to anger and aggression. That is why, as far as possible, we must move away from those people or situations that we know that enhance us that emotion more easily.
- Psychological therapy. If you have tried to solve this situation and cannot control the anger or aggressiveness in your daily life, it is necessary that you go with a professional. The psychologist will help you, through a process of psychological therapy, to learn to manage your emotions so you do not get carried away by anger and all those emotions that can have very negative consequences.
How to control anger in the couple?In addition to the general tips that can help you control your anger and aggression, here are some recommendations you can apply specifically to your relationship every time you feel you are losing control of your anger.
- Think before you talk. When you feel that anger is taking hold of you and all you want is to take it out in any way, try to consciously stop and take a few minutes to think about what you are going to say to your partner. Remember that if you tell him things when he is angry, it is more likely that when the anger goes away, you will regret what you have said and how you have told him. So, before you speak, think carefully about what you are going to say and do not say things that you do not really feel and that are only part of your anger.
- Take your time. If you feel very angry with your partner and you feel that no matter how hard you try, you cannot talk to her in a better way, you can choose to ask her for time to think things better. That is, instead of reacting and starting a discussion from anger, comment that you need a space to calm down and think. Then, when it is a better time, you can talk and argue assertively and consciously and not so impulsive and dominated by anger.
- Speak in the first person it is important to learn to discuss as a couple. Avoid making comments or criticism to your partner so that you are only going to generate more tension and anger in her and in you. This is why the best thing you can do is to speak in the first person. For example, you can say things like: "It bothered me a lot that you were late for the appointment we agreed to" and what you should avoid saying would be things like: "you're always late, you're never going to change".
- Do not hold a grudge Avoid holding a grudge against your partner. If you allow resentment and anger to become part of you, the person most affected will be you. So it is necessary that you learn to forgive and understand your partner, even if you do not agree with her. Let him know what you feel and think assertively and try to reach agreements to solve the situations that arise. Remember that forgiving the other does not imply that you let them take advantage of you, but simply that you are not affected by that negative feeling such as resentment.
Express your anger assertivelyOnce you have been able to control your anger without being carried away by it, you need to express the anger you feel, but assertively. That is, not from the claim, the shouting or insults, but by letting others know how you feel. Assertiveness is based on communicating real and objective facts and proposing solutions. The assertive communication is essential in all facets of our life.
For example, if you are angry because your partner did not arrive at the time they agreed to go out together, first discuss what is happening objectively: "we had stayed at 8 and it is 9”. Then, let him know what has affected you (you can tell him that because of that you have stopped making other plans with your family and friends): "I have not been to my painting class to be able to arrive on time”. Also tell her how that situation has made you feel, for example, you can tell her that you felt sad because you wanted to have a good time together: "It bothers me to be waiting, instead of spending time together". Finally, you can propose in an assertive way that for the next occasion I could warn you with more time that you will not be able to get to the appointment and that in this way you could organize better with your times.