The relationship you have with your partner is extremely important in the life of every person who has one, since the partner is the one with whom you normally live most of the time, especially if you live with her and the relationship does not. It is only a couple but also has a friend, confidant and lover next to it. So if right now you are doubting if your relationship is working well or not , surely you have been feeling uncomfortable in it and you are not having a good time.
But really, how can you tell if your relationship is working? In this psychology article, we are going to give you some advice if the following question is in your head: "My relationship no longer works, what should I do?
Why is my relationship worn out
Before going on to give you some indicators that can help you know if your relationship is really working or not, it is necessary that you take into account a series of questions that you may probably be overlooking. Next, we give you the main explanations to know when a relationship does not work.
Problems and disagreements are part of the relationship
In a couple relationship it may be that especially at the beginning everything is "rosy", the two get along wonderfully well and there is no type of problem or misunderstanding between them. However, as time goes by, the person as a whole becomes better known and the relationship begins to deepen, it is perfectly normal for some conflicts to arise.
The weird thing would be that they never have disagreements or some kind of problem since you cannot think exactly like the other person. The important thing is not to avoid problems but to learn together to solve them in order to do better each time. If you argue a lot with your partner over nonsense , it is important that you try to talk and resolve the conflict.
The level of infatuation has decreased
After having overcome the stage of falling in love in a relationship where the famous butterflies appear in the stomach, the other person is perceived as having the coolest in the world, the sexual desire experienced by the other is unbridled, among other symptoms of infatuation.
After time, one goes to the stage of the purest and most sincere love . That is, now the person is perceived as he is with his defects and virtues, he feels calm and not so much excitement when seeing the person, the sexual desire decreases so it is no longer exaggerated as before, etc. However, you still have the desire to be with that person since you accept him as he is and love becomes something more conscious and not so emotional. So there is a possibility that right now you are going through this new stage and this generates confusion.
It often happens on many occasions that couples fall into a rather monotonous cycle and the surprise and novelty in the relationship has ceased to exist. This does not always mean that the love is over or the relationship has stopped working but they simply need to undergo some routine changes that can turn the relationship around and get out of the comfort zone.
How do I know if my relationship is no longer working?
Next, I will mention what are the main signs that you can take into account to really know if your relationship is working or not. Keep in mind that each situation is different and these indicators are only so that you can give yourself a better idea about it but they cannot accurately determine that your relationship is not really working.
- Lack of interest. You have been noticing for a long time that the interest you have towards your partner or that your partner has towards you is less and less, to the extent that right now you feel that you are or are totally or almost totally indifferent in every way. That is, for example, you may not care if your partner feels good or bad, you do not want to spend time with him or her with you and on the contrary you avoid or avoid you, it has become the last on your list of priorities or you of her, etc. In other words, you feel that one or both of you do not care if you continue the relationship or not.
- Problems and differences without solution. When you notice that right now you have reached the point that you really do not care or your partner does not care as before trying to solve their problems. You feel that the differences that exist between you have overwhelmed you and you are not interested in seeking the welfare of the other person.
- Toxicity. When the couple has a high level of toxicity for a long time that has not been able to be solved. By toxicity I mean that, for example, one or both of you are trying all the time to exert control over the other, that there has never been trust in the partner, continuously experiencing a lack of personal freedom and finding yourself increasingly emotionally exhausted in the company of others. the other person.
- Feeling of limiting yourself. Another important indicator to know if your relationship is not working is that you feel limited, either because your partner is preventing you or trying to prevent you from doing the things you really want to do all the time (or on the contrary that you do it to him to her), that you have the feeling that you cannot make your own decisions because your partner always interferes with them or vice versa and in short, that one or both of you are experiencing the constant feeling of overwhelm and lack of understanding on the part of the other.
- Avoid their company. You, your partner or both may constantly avoid their company and prefer to share their time with other people. They even have the feeling that in order for them to always have a good time together, they need a third party so as not to get bored.
- Totally different ideas and expectations. The fact of having vital plans and objectives in common with the couple is a fundamental pillar that must exist in any good relationship since it is an indicator that both are heading towards the same path and feel comfortable with it. However, when this does not happen, there is a significant imbalance in the couple. An example of this may be that your partner wants to have children and you don't, or vice versa.
My relationship is not working, what do I do?
When a relationship is not going well, it is normal for us to feel worried and strive to make it as satisfactory as possible.
If you still have doubts about how to approach this situation, it is recommended that you go to a couples therapist so that they can recommend exercises and techniques for couples therapy appropriate to your personal case.