Most couples who separate do so loving each other, and it is that to achieve well-being and stability in a relationship, love is not enough. To resolve conflicts in a relationship, we need resolution skills and strategies, learning to balance differences, patience, among other skills.
If you are in a situation of heartbreak and you don't know how to deal with it, keep reading this psychology article. We reflect on how much we should love and we give you some tips to leave your partner loving her in a healthy way.
How do you know if leaving your partner is the right thing to do?
We live in times in which the most important thing is the individual, the "I" and not so much the "we". In fact, it is frequent that many couples leave because in difficult situations, one or both members of the couple lean towards their own personal path, towards the self.
In a love relationship, many things influence other than love and passion, such as the values of each one, relationship patterns and past experiences, education received, self-interest, conflict management, among others. By "x" or by "y" if you are reading this article, surely, it is because you are considering taking the step. However, first of all, you have to be clear if you want to break the relationship. Ask yourself why you want to break up with this person and identify everything that makes you unhappy in the relationship and value the option of whether it is a temporary situation or a relationship or personal crisis.
As Walter Riso, doctor of psychology, says, the limit of what is acceptable in a love relationship is crossed when your vocation and illusions take a backseat, when "being for the other" prevents you from "being for yourself" . There are things that we cannot give in, simply because if we do, we will be betraying ourselves. Ask yourself: Are you happy with your relationship and the life you lead?
How to leave your partner loving her - advice from psychology
- Assume your responsibility and do not engage in behaviors that harm the relationship in order for the other person to decide to leave. Intensifying the conflicts trying to get more excuses to end the relationship and, ultimately, postponing the breakup and continuing with a relationship that does not work, will cause both of you to suffer more.
- Think carefully about what you want to convey and express your feelings. In order to cope with a breakup in a healthy way, it is important to express how we feel and say what we have not said throughout the relationship. Although if you think this will only make the situation worse, there are other ways to get it out, like writing it all down. What you should not do is keep it inside, since you will leave it on unfinished business and sooner or later it will come to light more intensely. Be clear and honest with what you say so as not to create misunderstandings.
- Speak in the first person. It is normal that in intense conversations, the other person can perceive that you are blaming them. Speaking in the first person will help you express yourself without making the other person feel attacked. For example: "I think I need to spend more time alone" instead of "You want to spend too much time together", or "I feel bad about the way you treat me sometimes ..." instead of saying "You treat me awful." Although you are basically saying the same thing, you focus it on your feelings rather than attacking the other person directly.
- Empathize . Try to listen to your partner from his perspective and allow him to express his feelings.
- Be grateful for everything the other person has given you and everything you have experienced together. When we can see what a relationship has brought us and what we have learned, we are in a position to close it.
- Keep your distance. It is very hard to stop talking, to break your routines of saying good night or asking how the day has been, but if you keep doing it you can give false hope and you will only worsen the grieving process for both of you. Nor is it about never talking again, but about giving a space to face the rupture .
After ending a long relationship ...
Even if you feel a great release to get out of an unsatisfactory relationship, if there has been love and real connection, sooner or later the pain will come out of leaving the known, what was loved and the uncertainty of facing something new. Do not panic, feeling pain is necessary to face the grieving process and create a new beginning .
Living forces us to know how to start and finish, to win and lose, to love and suffer. There will come a time when you can give it the recognition it deserves as an important relationship in your life, you will recognize the love that was there and you will keep it as a great memory. And as a consequence you will allow yourself to open up to new experiences.
If you feel that you cannot face the situation on your own, do not hesitate to go to a professional.
This article is merely informative, we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.