Why it costs me so much to express my feelings
In many occasions, expressing our feelings and emotions can become a rather complicated task especially when we have never been accustomed to it. We may know how to identify what we feel and know ourselves well, but we do not know what the best way to communicate it to others is or we are simply terrified to do so. Expressing our feelings is a skill we learn from childhood through our parents and / or close people. A person who has this skill well developed is easier to relate to others and above all feels better about themselves because when we express what we feel we have a liberating effect.

In this Transkerja.com article, we will let you know the necessary information so that you can answer your question: why it costs me so much to express my feelings and, finally, we will give you some tips that can help you to achieve it.

Problems to express feelings: possible reasons


  • Fear of being rejected. One of the main reasons why many people find it difficult to express what they feel is because they fear being rejected. For example, when we are in love with another person but the fear of being told that they do not feel the same is greater and we prefer to remain silent or when we do not agree with another person but because we want to feel accepted by her we stop expressing our true feelings.
  • Pretend to feel good all the time. There are people who perceive the feelings that generate some discomfort such as sadness, anger, anger, etc. as something extremely negative to the point of feeling even bad about yourself for being experiencing them. Therefore, they prefer to repress these kinds of feelings and emotions rather than sharing them with someone else.
  • Not feeling valuable enough People who have a very low self-esteem and therefore cannot recognize their personal value, tend to stop expressing their feelings and emotions to others because they have the belief that they are not so important and that what they think and feel the others is in first place.
  • Shy. Shy people tend to be quite reserved in terms of expressing their feelings and emotions. It may be the case that although they would like to express themselves and open up more with others, they feel a lot of anxiety and even embarrassment at the time of beginning to do so they prefer to remain silent.
  • Having had bad experiences in the past. Maybe in the past when you expressed your feelings to other people you were not taken into account, they did not give you the attention you wanted, they did not respect you, they stepped on your dignity, etc. Therefore, you stayed with that negative idea and you think that the same thing will always happen to you.
  • Wanting to evade the conflict. People who prefer to remain silent and not express what they feel so as not to enter into conflict with others who do not feel and / or think the same as they do.
  • Lack of habit you have probably been almost all your life saving yourself for everything you feel and now you do not know how to express your feelings or just notice that it costs you more and more to do it because you have almost never done it.

Benefits of expressing feelings and emotions

Expressing what we feel is something very positive that helps us increase our emotional well-being and improve the quality of our interpersonal relationships. Among the main benefits of expressing our feelings are the following:
  • Reduces stress and anxiety Expressing our emotions is a liberating act. When we express what we feel, we diminish our emotional pain (if we have it) or we simply increase our well-being.
  • Increase empathy. When we express our feelings to others, we connect more with them because it allows us to feel more identified so that the degree of understanding increases and it is easier for them to put themselves in our place and for us to put ourselves in the place of the other.
  • Strengthen our relationships. Sharing our emotions and feelings with others and allowing them to do so with us also allows for greater closeness and therefore for our relationships to grow and become stronger.
  • Let us know more. When we express what we feel to other people, we allow them to have a broader perception of our personality, we indicate that it is what hurts us, likes us, bothers us, etc. and that helps to achieve a good relationship with others.

How to express your feelings better

After having answered your question: why it is so difficult for me to express my feelings and let you know the benefits that doing so brings, we will give you a series of tips that will be very useful for you to finally express what you feel.
  • Accept your feelings without judging them. Learn to accept each of your feelings, even if they are annoying or painful, recognize them and express them. Do not pretend to hide those you do not feel comfortable with or those you perceive negatively, all our feelings help us grow and know ourselves better, the important thing is not to judge them and use them in our favor.
  • Do not be afraid of rejection. If your problem is that you fear being rejected for saying what you feel, think it is worse to be with a person who does not accept you as you are than to express what you feel and be with the right people. We are all different, it is impossible for all of us to think and / or feel the same way, so being flexible with others is fundamental.
  • Recognize your worth. Give the value you deserve to what you feel and not only recognize the value of others. All people are valuable for the simple fact of being and we have the right to express freely what we feel.
  • Practice expressing your feelings. If all or almost all your life you have been used to keep everything you feel, you have to learn to develop that skill and that is achieved with practice. It is advisable that you start by expressing your feelings that are not of great relevance to you or that you do not consider them too deep and start by communicating them to a person close to you.
  • Just relax. If you are a shy person and your problem is that every time you try to express your feelings you start to get anxious, you can rely on practicing continuous exercises and relaxation techniques to reduce the anxiety you feel in those moments and express your feelings with greater ease.