Unfortunately, there have always been cases where there is conflict in the mother-child relationship and even though we try to decipher the reason why the relationship with the mother is so negative, it is difficult for the person to reach a conclusion exact.
In this Transkerja.com article: why I don't get along with my mother , we will let you know the main reasons why this happens as well as what may be motivating your mother to act as she has done until now.
Why don't I get along with my mother? 5 reasons“Why don't I get along with my mother?” Is a matter that generates a lot of pain for the person who experiences it because what I most wish is to feel closer to her and, in some cases, if you don't work well This issue can affect the self-esteem of the person. It is necessary that before knowing what are the main reasons why you do not get along with your mother, also let you know in detail what is happening to her or what has happened to her that has influenced her to act on the way it does now.
- Lack of empathy. One of the main reasons why you do not get along with your mother is because of the lack of empathy that exists between either parties or her towards you. Do you feel misunderstood every time you talk to your mother? Do you feel that she has never been able to understand you? Do you feel judged by her? If your answer is yes, this is probably the root of the problem, your mother has not really known how to put yourself in your shoes and see things under your own perception, she only sees them from her perspective and her own parameters, so she cannot understand you. She is not aware that reality is different for each person that everyone perceives life differently and this is very normal.
- Need to control some mothers who have low self-esteem base their worth on having control of their children since it is something that gives meaning to their lives. It is difficult to have a good relationship with a controlling and possessive mother since she will always try to get into the life of her adult child and be aware of everything she does. There are mothers who do not allow their children to make their own decisions and manipulate them so that they end up doing what they want.
- Coldness. There are mothers who have never or rarely expressed any sign of affection for their children. Mothers who seem to directly or indirectly send an explicit message to their children of rejection and lack of acceptance. They behave emotionally distant and cold, which makes it difficult to have a good relationship with them.
- Incompatibility. It may be that your personality and that of your mother simply do not fit at all, as well as her ideas and beliefs, so every time you try to talk to her they end up getting angry or you just do not feel in tune with her and this causes you frustration.
- Narcissism. Another possible reason why you don't get along with your mother is that she is a person who focuses a lot on herself, cares too much about the “what they will say” and how it affects what happens to you in how they perceive her . It moves almost exclusively for its own interests and this does not make you feel truly valued and loved by it. The children of narcissistic parents may exhibit behavioral problems and coexistence.
Why does my mother misbehave with me?Some of the reasons why you have that way of being that you do not like or that is simply not compatible with you are the following:
- It is very likely that her parents behaved in the same way with her when she was a child and therefore right now she cannot offer you something that she has lacked all her life.
- Insecurity is another important factor by which your mother is acting like this with you and does not allow you to have a better relationship with her. For example, in the case of mothers who only think about their interests and want to control their children, this is the only thing that highlights their high level of personal dissatisfaction and low self-esteem.
- If you feel that your mother does not understand you, surely she is not aware that each person perceives the world differently and believes that things should be in a certain way for everyone.
It is necessary to mention that there are many other possible reasons why your mother is acting like this and you do not have a good relationship with her, such as that they have had many family conflicts and have not known how to resolve them properly, that you have failed or at least that you felt at some point in your life, that they do not have the same values ... among many other things.
How to improve my relationship with my mother
- Set limits if you consider that the bad relationship you have with your mother is the cause of the manipulation and control that she wants to exercise towards you all the time, it is time that you begin to establish limits. As an adult and independent person, you have the right to make your own decisions; your mother does not have to interfere with them. You need to talk to her and express her feelings and what you are going to do from now on as an autonomous person in a calm way without seeking discussions. If she begins to create conflict, simply reaffirm what you have said safely and peacefully and do not enter her game.
- Empathy. Learn to put yourself in your mother's place and realize what the root of her attitude is without judging her. This will help you to have more patience and compression when it comes to dealing with it and it is favorable for them to establish a better relationship.
- Acceptance. It is essential to accept that the relationship with your mother is not the best relationship in the world and that they do not match your way of being and acting. Do not continue to deny yourself and resist accepting it, things are like that and it is not worth continuing to hold on to something that is very difficult or impossible to change. Accept your situation and simply do what is in your hands to improve it by taking distance when necessary.
- Psychological therapy. If you feel that getting along with your mother is affecting you a lot in your life and you do not find a way to deal with it, you need to seek help from a professional who will be in charge of working with you on your specific situation so that you can increase your emotional well-being
- If you want to get more advice about this family conflict, we recommend you read the following article to learn how to improve your relationship with your mother.