Many times we are not able to perceive when we are in a toxic relationship, nor are we able to recognize the damage that these relationships can cause in our day to day. Thus, in some occasions, the toxic relationships between mother and child may be due to the mother's toxic personality. If you want to know more about the different types of toxic mothers, keep reading this Transkerja.com article: types of toxic mothers and how to treat them.
Toxic mothersToxic relationships are those in which one or both parties that form the relationship suffer more than enjoy and suffer great emotional attrition, simply by staying together and maintaining the relationship. The toxic people are not help you grow as a person and others, worsen your life. Specifically, toxic mothers are those that generate a lot of discomfort in their children. Whether consciously or unconsciously, their negligent educational style produces negative consequences for children.
On many occasions, we do not perceive the toxic relationships, and even less the unimaginable damage that they can cause us. How to know if you have a toxic mother? In order to detect toxic mothers , we present the following list:
- Your negative stress level increases when you are with that person.
- The toxic person usually makes you feel bad.
- It forces you to change your way of being, of dressing, of thinking, among others. Due to these changes, it ends up destroying the idea of who you are.
- It makes you feel dependent emotionally.
- It makes you feel humiliated.
- It makes you feel useless.
- You feel that person manipulates you.
- Another characteristic of toxic relationships is that the toxic person itself makes you feel guilty.
- You feel like that person absorbs your energy.
- It causes your self-esteem to decrease.
In addition, leaving aside the characteristics of toxic relationships already discussed, we can also detect which relationships are toxic by the repetitive presence of:
- Disqualifications or insults
- Threats (usually threats of abandonment, ending the relationship)
- Emotional blackmail
Types of toxic mothersWe have already clarified how toxic mothers are and how to detect them, but are all toxic mothers the same? No, there are different types of toxic mothers. Among the different types of toxic mothers that exist, we can differentiate 10 types of toxic mothers.
1. Mother controllerThis type of toxic mother is that mother who is characterized by wanting to know everything about her children, what they do, where they go, who their friends are, among others. In addition, he controls his children at such a high level that he does not let them make their own decisions or choose what they want or should do. It is the mother who is responsible for controlling and managing the lives of her children. Normally, the children of controlling mothers feel insecure and defenseless in situations where their mother does not decide for them, since they are not used to making important decisions.
2. Overprotective motherIt is about that mother who cares excessively for her children , is afraid that something bad could happen to her children and, therefore, tends not to leave her own space for her children. They tend to anticipate problems, wanting to solve everything that may cause some kind of pain or negative consequence to their children.
3. Absorbing and possessive motherShe is the mother who needs to spend as much time as possible with her children and does not leave space for them, but not for fear of something happening to them, but because she needs to be with them and absorb her time as much as possible.
4. Mother perfectionist and demandingThis type of toxic mother is the one that takes into account the virtues and abilities of her children, but as she turns out to be a perfectionist and demanding, she tends to want more perfection and excellence in her children. The perfectionist and demanding mother is not usually based on the process (such as effort and perseverance) that her son goes through to reach his achievements, but only looks at the results obtained.
5. Mother friendIt is that mother who considers herself a companion, accomplice or friend of her children, but does not realize that her children do not need a friend at home, but that they need a mother to act as such and be an example and model for them, although You can also have fun with her without the need to be her friend.
6. Derogatory MotherAmong the types of toxic mothers, there is this type of mother who does not value the abilities or achievements of her children , usually despises them, either for their actions, for their results at school, for their results in sports, among others .
7. Absent motherIt is the kind of mother who is not available, emotionally speaking, for her children . She is a type of mother who is at home, with her children, but she does not pay attention to them and the children see her as an emotionally inaccessible figure, although in some cases she can also be a type of mother absent and physically inaccessible, for example, because of overwork outside the home.
8. Competitive motherThis type of toxic mother is the one that competes with her children, and she always has to feel superior . For example, if they manage to achieve some goal, she has to overcome it with a better result and, in addition, make the children aware that she is better.
9. Emotionally unstable motherThis type of mother is characterized by an emotional instability, that is, changes in the emotional state , which implies that the children do not develop a stable emotional relationship with their mother.
10. Manipulative and victimist mothersThe last of the types of toxic mothers, refers to those mothers who manipulate, put conditions and make their children feel guilty if they do not do what they want. Everything revolves around them, they only think about them and use their children.
Toxic mothers: how to treat themTo toxic mothers, how to act? Dealing with toxic mothers is very complicated and devastating for children, so it is recommended to go to a specialist who can promote the treatment between mother and children and can adapt their professional service to the characteristics of each situation. Normally, the best option is to put distance, but how to get out of the influence of a toxic mother? In order to deal with toxic mothers, it is recommended:
- Go to a mediation professional : mediation is a conflict resolution procedure that aims to improve communication between people who are in conflict (in this case, mother and children), so that they are themselves those who come to find a solution to the problem. The figure of the mediator consists in being neutral and impartial and promoting and facilitating the fluidity of communication between the different parties that form the conflict.
- Going to family therapy : this type of therapy deals with the problems that are generated in the family context, and it turns out to be very useful to solve a family conflict and the relational dynamics, originated in the family context that turn out to be harmful to its components.
- Individual therapy : on the one hand, and especially for those mothers who are emotionally unstable, either due to their nature, to a mental disorder, to substance addiction, among others. On the other hand, individual therapy can be beneficial in order to treat the emotional exhaustion of children at the individual level.
Thus, the key to improving toxic relationships between mother and children is found in communication. Therefore, you can look for moments to create spaces of fluid communication and sincerity.
In addition, specifically in relation to mothers, it could be very positive to recognize the type of mother you are and reflect on the repercussions that can cause the relationship between mother and children.