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My mother makes me feel guilty: what do I do?My mother makes me feel guilty: what do I do?
The mother and child relationship is very special, but also very complex. Sometimes, there is a break in expectations regarding what the mother had planned for the future of her son and the free decisions he makes as an adult in his destiny.
When a mother makes her child feel guilty, a form of manipulation arises that, in many cases, is not born of a bad intention, but of not really assuming that this child is already an adult and as such, has full capacities to make her own decisions. Even if he is wrong.
The mother is one of the most important figures in the life of any child, therefore, this feeling of guilt generates much suffering because instead of finding support in that reference figure, mixed feelings arise. If at any time you have thought and felt as your own the statement " My mother makes me feel guilty ", in Transkerja.com we address this issue in this article.
Try to understand your motherIn such a situation you can judge your mother, you may think that your mother becomes the victim by how she behaves or, on the contrary, you can try to understand her attitudes . Understanding does not mean justifying but trying to see reality from your own point of view. Why do you think your mother behaves like this with you? For example, she may be afraid of loneliness and those decisions that make her fear that you can move away can become a focus of emotional conflict for her.
In addition, although the children grow in age, many mothers fall into overprotection, simply because they do not end up assuming the real age of the child or because they live this link from the role they have had for so many years.
Mothers teach many lessons to children throughout their lives. But, also, children can bring new teachings to their parents. In this case, if your mother makes you feel guilty, she may not even have realized it because she is so locked in her position that she is not able to see beyond that point of view. In that case, from the love, explain how you feel. Tell him that it is very important for you to count on his support even if he does not agree with your decision.
My mother always makes me feel bad: advice
Talk to your father to help youIn such a situation, if this circumstance blocks the mother and child relationship itself, it is advisable to seek the figure of a mediator. For example, the father, an uncle or a brother. Someone from the closest family nucleus who, from his position, can influence constructively to think about the common good of all.
That person can give advice to your mother. You may need to talk about how you feel with someone outside the conflict. Maybe your mother has fears, doubts and insecurities that she needs to confidently express. Talking about it will do you good.
Your mother also made her lifeThe story that you are living now was also experienced by your own mother a long time ago when at maturity she made her own decisions. In that case, you can give concrete examples of how she, in the past, carried out dreams, emotional goals and purposes autonomously and freely. That is, he made his own life. And you have the right to do yours. Among other reasons, because if you give in your decisions to please your mother, at some point you will regret having done so, and this concession will become a form of resentment.
Should I get away from my mother?When the relationship with your mother and her disapproval affect your own emotional stability , then it may be advisable to mark a little distance in the contact, however, do not interpret this message as a definite distance. The mother and child relationship is so important that communication should always remain open.
For this reason, find this balance that you need through your own experience to find the middle ground between having your own space and caring for the relationship with your mother. This distance is especially necessary when even though you have tried everything to make him understand how you feel, you don't notice a change in his behavior.
You can propose the agreement not to talk about the issue that separates you for a while. In this way, you can open the door to other topics of conversation, plans and moments that are not constantly interrupted and blocked by this discomfort. Not talking about it does not mean hiding reality but pausing that is a pleasant rest.