You know when you feel bad, but you do not want to feel that way, so you try not to feel bad, but that's frustrating, and you end up in that endless cycle of negative feelings. Is that your case? If so, science says that feeling bad about yourself when negative emotions invade you does not help you in the long run. Rather, research has shown the importance of feeling emotions as what they are exactly, instead of falling into the trap of feeling bad about feeling bad.
It has been shown that people who habitually accept their negative emotions experience less negative emotions, which translates into good psychological health. In this Transkerja.com article, we tell you what you can do if in your head you have the thought of " I feel bad about myself: what can I do?”
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I feel bad emotionally: How do negative messages work?If one of your recurring thoughts is "I feel bad about myself, what can I do?” You may be sending negative messages about yourself . Many people do. These are messages that you received and with which you have been building your self-esteem since childhood from many different sources, including other children, teachers, and family members, caregivers, including the media, and prejudices and stigmas. In our society.
Once you have learned them, it is possible that these negative messages have been repeated over and over again, especially when you do not feel good about yourself or when you are going through difficult times. You may have come to believe them, you may even have worsened the problem by inventing some negative messages or thoughts on your own. These thoughts or negative messages make you feel bad about yourself and lower your self-esteem. Some examples of common negative messages that people repeat over and over again to themselves include:
- "I'm an idiot"
- "I'm a loser"
- "I never do anything right"
- "It would never please anyone"
- "I'm a clumsy"
How to change those negative thoughts?Pay attention and keep a notebook while you do your daily routine for several days and write down the negative thoughts about yourself when you notice them. Some people say they notice more negative thoughts when they are tired, sick or in times of high stress.
Cognitive restructuring techniqueAlso, try to look more closely at negative thought patterns to see if they are true or not. You may want a close friend or someone professional to help you with this. When you are in a good mood and have a positive attitude towards yourself, ask yourself the following questions about each negative thought you have noticed:
- Is this message really true?
- Would a person tell this to another person? If not, why do I tell myself?
- What do I gain by thinking this? If it makes me feel bad about myself, why not stop thinking about it?
I feel bad mood: steps to improveThe next step in this process is to develop positive statements that you can tell yourself to replace these negative thoughts every time you realize you are thinking about them. You cannot think twice at the same time. When you are thinking of a positive thought about yourself, you cannot be thinking of a negative one. When developing these thoughts, use positive words such as happy, peaceful, loving, enthusiastic...
Avoid using negative words like worried, scared, annoyed, tired, bored, no, never, cannot ... Do not make a statement like "I'm not going to worry anymore". Instead, say "I focus on the positive" or what seems right to you. Substitute "would be good" by "should". Always use the present tense, for example, "I'm fine, I'm happy, I have a good job", as if the condition already existed. Use "I", "I" or "your own name".
To control negative thoughts, you can do it by folding a piece of paper halfway down to form two columns. In one column write the negative thought and in the other column write a thought you can work to change your negative thoughts for positive thoughts in the following way:
- Replace negative thinking with positive thinking every time you realize that you are thinking negative thinking.
- Repeat your positive thoughts again and again to yourself, aloud whenever you have the opportunity and even share them with another person if possible.
- Make small pieces of paper or signs in which positive thoughts appear , hang them in places where you can see them frequently, such as at the refrigerator door or in the bathroom mirror, and repeat the thought several times when you see it.
Other tips to not feel bad emotionallyThe first thing you should do is realize that you are talking negatively about yourself. If I say to myself "I will never do it", the result is that I stop trying, because why should I bother? Therefore, those negative thoughts prevent us from doing new things and prosper as people, that is, they interfere in our life.
Second, ask yourself a simple question. If you heard a child say these words, how would you respond? As adults with responsibilities and experiences, we forget to be kind and encouraging with ourselves. While there is a time and place for hard conversations that verify reality, the daily dialogue we have in our minds should focus on what is possible, and not on excuses for what we do not believe we can achieve.
Finally, talk to someone to help you put things in perspective. Most of us have someone like that. They are typically older with more experience in life, such as grandparents, parents ... You are not looking for compliments in this conversation. Instead, you're asking that person to remind you of the big picture or a time when you thought things were wrong but they really were not or turned out to be a meaningful learning experience.
Putting negative thoughts in context helps us because our choices and mistakes are rarely as bad as we think they are. Creating that positive turn is motivating and prepares us for success.