How to stop being selfish with my partner - The arguments, the reproaches and the malaise in general are not pleasant dynamics in the couple. The simple thing is to think that the fault is always the other, in this way, we avoid taking responsibility for the problems, but this is not always the case.

Sometimes, the root of the discussions and instability comes from ourselves, from our selfish behaviors and attitudes. Putting the focus on it and fixing it in time can prevent a painful break. It is important to know how selfishness influences the couple, what are their most problematic features and if we have those characteristics when we are with our partner.

Once these unhealthy dynamics are detected, you may wonder how to stop being selfish with my partner. In this article on Transkerja.com, we will offer you the best keys for you to work on empathy and assertiveness, so that your relationship can come back to fruition.

How is a selfish person in love?

It is likely that we do not realize to what extent we are selfish with our partner. We tend to judge that characteristic in other people, however, we rarely perceive it in ourselves. Therefore, we must ask ourselves some questions, for example: how is a selfish person in love?

Being selfish in love means not worrying about the couple or, at least, putting our concerns before theirs. It is difficult for us to share material goods with the other person (for example, if they have given us something of value, it will cost us to lend it) and we only value the moments in which we feel good without considering how our partner feels.

We can also define selfish people for the times when they reproach their partner. If they do something for their boyfriend or girlfriend, they usually do it to get something in return, if they do not get it, they go on to blame everything they do for him or her.

Selfishness in love is often a factor that wears away relationships, it is the fire that makes us argue with our partner for nonsense , maintains the discomfort between the two and prevents us from improving in the relationship.

How to stop being selfish with my partner?

The first step to be less selfish is to be able to observe our behaviors, see our weak points and assimilate that, at best, not everything we do is good and we can harm our partner. If we have detected signs of toxic attitudes in our relationship and want to improve them, we can practice some techniques of psychology to leave selfishness behind and improve our relationship .

Develop empathy

The first point to work is empathy, that is, the ability to put ourselves in the place of another person. Empathy is one of the 5 elements of emotional intelligence , it helps us understand how another person feels and what emotions they are expressing to us. If we can train our capacity to understand the couple, we will stop focusing only on ourselves and our needs. Thanks to the empathic capacity, we will realize that the emotions of others have the same importance as ours , only that sometimes it is difficult for us to understand it.

Train assertiveness

Assertive ability is defined by the ability to communicate and express ourselves without offending others, but without letting other people walk on us or value our discourse less. Assertive communication is the best to avoid arguments with a partner and to propose any plan or idea to the other person. If we want to do some activity, some comment has made us feel bad or, simply, we want to express our feelings, it is important that we do it in an assertive way.

Empathy and assertiveness are not only the pillars of a healthy relationship, they are also concepts that complement each other. Most of the time, the more empathetic we are, the more assertive we communicate and vice versa.


Tips to be less selfish with your partner

Apart from developing intrinsic characteristics of our personality (such as learning to be assertive and empathetic), we can also do a series of more concrete exercises during our day to day. These psychological exercises are based on training humility, modesty and the ability to understand our boyfriend or girlfriend. In this way, we will learn to put the focus on others and we will stop being selfish with the couple:
  • What will he or she want to do ?: Sometimes, we forget that not only our tastes and desires count. We can ask ourselves what our partner will want to do before proposing a plan, that is a good exercise to avoid selfishness in the relationship. We can also ask him directly, in this way, he will feel that we have his ideas in mind.
  • You are neither more nor less than anyone: in the same way that insecure people tend to put themselves below others, selfish people often feel more important. It is essential to realize that all the people around us deserve the same attention and understanding. Surely, our partner will appreciate this exercise, because we will give the importance that their emotions deserve.
  • All opinions matter: validate your ideas, make them feel heard. The partner of a selfish person may feel withdrawn or insecure, our responsibility is to make him see that his opinions are also important to us.
  • Ask him how he feels: giving voice to the feelings and emotions of our partner, asking how he is or how he feels is a good way to show our interest in him. This will make you feel understood and trust us more.


Learning to think about others

If we have been selfish with our partner, we probably are with other people around us. Therefore, we can apply the aforementioned exercises to other spheres of our life. In this way, we will avoid other types of conflicts and grow as people.

We are not alone in this world and it is very important to learn to think about others. When we stop being selfish, we develop our emotional intelligence and we learn to better overcome challenges. We can not forget that we are social beings and that, as such, we must learn to think beyond our own perspective.