Throughout our lives we experience good and rewarding moments, but we also have to face the loss of our loved ones and other sad events. Losing a loved one can trigger a variety of intense feelings such as pain, anger, sadness ... For some people, grief can lead to depression or worsen existing depressive symptoms.
Crying and feeling sad after the loss of a loved one is something completely normal and expected, but feelings of sadness and hopelessness prolonged in time may mean that you are experiencing depression.
Time helps us to overcome those feelings, as well as to recognize pain and take measures to improve. In this Transkerja.com article we show you how to overcome sadness for the loss of a loved one.
How to overcome grief: differences between sadness and pathological mourningWe all express our feelings differently, while some people may have symptoms very similar to depression, such as social isolation and intense feelings of sadness, others do not. Between the pain produced by a normal duel and the depression produced by that duel there are great differences that we can organize around the following aspects:
Duration of symptomsPeople with depression feel depressed almost all the time, while people who are afflicted or who are going through a duel considered normal tend to have waves of negative feelings, that is, there is a fluctuation of the symptoms.
Acceptance of supportPeople with depression often begin to isolate themselves, avoid or throw other people out of their lives. However, people who are going through a duel in their lives avoid festive environments, but they usually accept the support of some loved ones.
Level of operationSomeone who is going through a duel may be able to maintain a certain level of academic or work functioning, and may even participate in activities that help him to have his mind occupied. However, if it is a depression, you may experience severe symptoms that do not allow you to perform important activities either in the workplace, academic or social.
Grief can be the trigger of a depression, but not everyone who presents a grief experiences depression. If you think you need more help to overcome this stage, we recommend you read this other article on how to overcome a pathological grief.
The mourning according to psychology: reflections for the loss of a loved oneMourning processes in the face of significant losses are something normal that we experience in the loss of a loved one, feeling a great variety of emotions. However, some people experience a long and intense grief, known as pathological grief.
Pathological grief shares some of the symptoms of depression and can also lead to depression or worsen an existing depression.
The symptoms of a complicated or pathological grief include:
- Problems thinking about anything other than the death of the loved one
- Longing for the loved one
- Difficulty accepting that the loved one has left
- Long-lasting bitterness over loss
- Feeling as if life did not make sense
- Problems trusting others
- Difficulty remembering positive memories of the loved one
- Grief and sadness that get worse over time instead of getting better
When should I seek help? How to face the death of a loved oneThe loss of a loved one changes lives and can leave a deep hole in the future life of the person. You should contact specialists when:
- There is difficulty to perform activities of daily life
- There is guilt about the death of the loved one
- Absence of objectives in life
- Loss of desire in social activities
- Desire to have died too
- Feeling as if life was not worth it without the loved one
What can I do to overcome the sadness after the loss of a loved one?Some tips that can help you overcome the pain caused by the loss of a loved one are:
Go to rituals (dependent on culture)Some people go to the funeral, Masses or other traditions can help them to process grief and emotions, in some cases it is even necessary to overcome this phase of pain. Being surrounded by people who knew the loved one can be very comforting.
Express your emotions and feel relievedIf at times you feel the need to cry, do not try to stop it. Do not worry if listening to some songs in particular or doing some things is painful because they remind you of the missing person that is something completely normal. After a while, it will be less painful and you will feel better.
Talk about it when you canSome people think it's good to tell the story of their loss or talk about their feelings. But sometimes the person does not want to talk about the loss, this is perfectly understandable and no one should feel pressured to talk. If you do not feel comfortable talking, look for alternative ways to express your emotions and thoughts.
Keep the memoriesThere are people who decide to plant a tree or hold meetings in honor of the deceased, others prefer to make a box of memories with objects and memories of the lost person, which can include a letter written to that person expressing their feelings.
How to overcome the death of a loved oneOne of the most painful moments we have to face in our life is the loss of a loved one. Under these circumstances are born many feelings, thoughts, emotions, derived from the loss and often the person who has lost a loved one feels lost, not knowing how to deal with the situation.
How to accept death? How to overcome grief? How to face the death of a father? For this, it is important to know the mourning in its complexity, understand its associated normal phases and reactions. Faced with this situation, we want to show you how to overcome the death of a loved one in this Transkerja.com article.
What is mourning?The very process of mourning has implicit in the etiology of his word, the word pain, and suffering. Grieving is the consequence of breaking a bond. In this article we will focus on mourning the loss of a loved one, but the grief appears before any loss, as a sentimental break, a job loss, which we will expose later. Any circumstance that involves a separation and / or loss relevant to the person is considered a duel.
So, mourning usually involves a loss that breaks with the history of each person, about where we come from and where we project our future, implies a significant change in our daily lives, because it supposes a projection of rupture of what we expected our life to be like, what it will be like from that loss.
Faced with this loss, grief involves a set of emotional reactions, which are manifested from feelings, thoughts, emotions and behaviors that appear after that duel. However, grief is a healthy response to a painful reality, where the reality of each one is altered because of it, requiring a process of gradual adaptation to be able to return to the balance prior to the loss.
Types of mourningAs we have previously indicated, a grieving process is not lived only in the death of a loved one, because a grieving process can appear before any loss in our lives. Faced with this, we can find different types of mourning. There are several authors who classify the duels in different categories, however all contemplate the classification between the symbolic and the tangible. In this case we will focus on the classification of Jettison (2003), which distinguishes the types of duels in four categories:
- Material losses: they refer to those duels that occur in the face of a tangible loss, such as objects with significant symbolic value or, for example, possessions such as a move or change of address.
- Relational losses: the process of mourning within this classification would be in the face of a relational break with a loved one, such as his death, a sentimental rupture, abandonment,
- "Intrapersonal" loss: the experience of interpersonal grief refers to those feelings of one's own, such as, for example, the loss of a job due to not being able to satisfactorily develop a skill that we thought we possessed, the loss of a corporal limb, the coping with diseases serious
- Evolutionary losses: evolutionary losses refer to the different transitions that we face in our lives, for example when entering the world of work and leaving behind the university years, the loss of childhood or during retirement.
Stages of griefIt is considered that the phases or stages of the grieving process are the following:
1. AvoidanceIn this stage of the duel the person does not make the idea of loss, is in a state of "shock" that prevents him from being aware of what happened. It is important to recognize the differences in age at this stage, as the response to it will be very different in a child or an adult. It is common in children who tend to do as if nothing had happened, to ask where that person is, to question when he will return, and this is a very natural process. In this stage, practical support is essential, since before the death of a family member a family reorganization is necessary and, in many cases, it is necessary that a person not so close to the family be involved in said reconstruction, since the relatives are hurt for the loss.
The avoidance stage tends to be the most intense in sudden deaths or repetitive deaths. As for example in the case of a disease. In the following article you will find how to overcome the death of a loved one due to cancer.
2. AssimilationIn this phase of grief the person begins to be cognitively aware of the loss and seeks to work on how to live without that person. In this stage they can occur:
- Gradual absorption before the impact of the loss.
- Loneliness, sadness, anguish, desperation with intensity, feelings of guilt ... In the following article you will find how to overcome sadness for the loss of a loved one.
- Distance to the outside world, to adapt to one's own.
- Incisive thoughts, bad dreams, dreams about the return of the lost person,
- Alterations in nutrition, loss of motivation, inability to concentrate or enjoy, see the future with despair, nerves, somatic pain...
3. AccumulationThe person manages to reorganize his life and return to his daily life with normality, he finds balance and manages to pay attention again to what he already had, to the future that awaits him and to his next objectives. Sad feelings may still be present, but the person can already talk about their emotions, maintain a better emotional management and strive to return to everyday life.
4. ProcessAfter months after the loss, sporadic feelings of sadness or slight consequences still appear, which do not imply a marked disruption in the daily functioning of the person.
In the following article you will find more information about the grieving process in the face of significant losses.
How to overcome the death of a loved oneThe overcoming of the death of a loved one begins with the integration of the loss in our consciousness and later, a reconstruction of meanings about what our life was and what will be after that loss. Against this, Therese Rando exposes the Model of the 6 "R" that answers the question "how to overcome the death of a loved one".
- Recognition of the loss: if there is no recognition of the loss, there will be no grieving process. This factor implies accepting the reality of the loss, understanding it and giving it some explanation, it is important to give an explanation to the loss that has a meaning for oneself, although this is not the most appropriate.
- React to the separation: one of the phases for its most relevant improvement is the emotional reaction of the person. It is very important that you learn to identify, label and differentiate your affective experiences, it is important that you experience pain, that you allow yourself to feel and identify your own reactions and mourn the secondary losses that the main loss involves.
- Remember the deceased person and their relationship: the fear of losing connection with the deceased person must be worked on. In this phase the feelings of the relationship should be revived, both the good ones and the most painful or negative, the relationship with the person as a whole should be remembered.
- To renounce (abandon): in this phase of mourning one must renounce the old ties with the deceased, accept that life will not be as it was until today and that one's own beliefs about the functioning of my reality will be different, as Emotions, thoughts, memories, behaviors, interaction patterns, ...
- Readjust to advance adaptively to a new world, without this implying the forgetting of the above: we must build an ideation of what life will be like from now, while maintaining a symbolic relationship with the deceased person. This process involves two criteria that must appear simultaneously: recognizing the reality of death and understanding its consequences, as well as adapting to the new reality.
- Reinvest: finally it is important to recreate moments of gratification, establish new roles, relationships, projects, new ideas or beliefs. In the following article you will find information on how to know that you have overcome the grieving process.
Loss of a loved one: reflectionsThe cycle of life implies implicit birth and death, but life comes to an end seems a difficult issue to assimilate. It is difficult to contemplate the possibility that one day that loved one will not be there and when it happens, we observe that this human condition escapes what we want or hope for.
You are never prepared to lose an important person for yourself and we should not live waiting for that moment or reminding us that it will arrive, but the reality is that once that person has died we are born with many thoughts such as: why I did not spend more moments with that person, why I did not learn more from her, why I did not enjoy more the moments with him or her ... in front of it, we cannot avoid a natural process like death, but we can answer these questions in life. Therefore, knowing that these thoughts invade our mind when that happens, let's try to be the minimum, try to enjoy every moment with that person, try to place ourselves in the present and live each moment as if it were the last.
Once the time has come, if we have lived fully with that person, there will be no pending issues, there will be no guilt or remorse.
On the other hand, we must be aware that one of the most painful facts to accept is that we will not be able to live again with this person, however our memories will be our greatest treasure, since a person does not die until it is not forgotten.
How to overcome the death of a loved one due to cancerDeath is a natural fact, it is true. However, how much it hurts to say goodbye to a loved one who has died as a result of cancer. In that case, to the very sadness of death is added the previous suffering that the family has experienced since the patient received the diagnosis of his ailment.
Death comes to break the hope of survival. And that produces an inevitable wound in the emotional heart of those who feel the emptiness that has left that person so unique and special. How to overcome the death of a loved one due to cancer? In Transkerja.com, we want to accompany you in this process with these words that hopefully bring you some comfort.
7 tips to overcome the death of a loved one who died of cancer
Try to recover your usual routine as soon as possibleConnecting with your usual habits will help you to focus mentally on this reality. That does not mean that the pain is suddenly forgotten, however, the routine is that refuge we so desire when we experience a sudden and painful change. Sometimes, if the death of a loved one hurts so much, it is because we experience the paradox of his farewell with the inevitable evidence that life goes on. In that case, retaking the routine is a way of acting in coherence with this vital principle.
Let the tears flowExpress the pain you feel through crying. Sometimes, you will cry in solitude. And others, in the company of a confidant who supports you unconditionally. After the emotional tension suffered by worry and uncertainty, crying is a way to channel that tension.
Visit the cemeterySome people find it helpful to visit the grave of the deceased relative, bring flowers and talk to him internally. It is a very personal question that you will discover yourself if it fits your desire at this moment or you prefer to avoid this experience. Listen to your own heart and you will find the answers. First of all, do what you need to do. The truth is that it is not essential to go to the cemetery to think mentally about that special person. You can have this memory and dedicate it to your memory from anywhere. Wherever you are
That person will always be part of your lifeYour life has left a legacy of memories in your history. Moments, words, reflections, plans and memories. In this grieving process, you will feel how memories emerge anywhere. And although those memories make you sad because of the absence of that family member, they also help you feel the love that lives in you. A love for which you feel gratitude as you become aware of the gift of your life.
Share the pain in familyThe death of that person has affected the entire environment. However, each manifests the pain of goodbye in a different way. Try to accompany from the respect to others and, also, let yourself be accompanied in the same way. In the process of mourning significant losses, it is a good idea to specify more family plans to share quality time with the closest nucleus. This process of group accompaniment is therapeutic for everyone.
Talk to someone who has gone through the same thingYou may know a friend who has lived this experience before. His story is different from yours, however, the empathy is so human that his story and his advice can help you for a very important reason. If he has already passed the grieving phase, he can observe the process from a different perspective. I mean, I can tell you that, although now it seems difficult, at some point you will experience the same joy you experienced in the past.
Grief overcoming workshopMaybe you prefer to find a group of people who are going through the same thing at this time. There are specialized workshops in overcoming the sadness produced by the death of a loved one. Workshops that are coordinated by experts in emotional intelligence. The main benefit of being part of this type of experience is having a place to talk in a space of total confidentiality about fears, feelings and doubts. In addition, the help of this group is therapeutic because it occurs precisely at a vital moment for the affected: the first year of the absence of that dear family member.
Write a farewell letter to that deceased relativeWhen a loved one dies of cancer dies, the family cannot establish a direct dialogue with that person. However, if you are going through a situation of this type, if you can express yourself emotionally and doing so will help you release the knots that hurt you. The exercise of writing a letter addressed to that person can help you alleviate the weight of this wound. It is an exercise that you can do for yourself, for your own well-being. Let all the words you need to express flow on the paper.
Feel the intimacy that this letter gives you, but also, think that your heart is really connected with the memory of that person. Therefore, everything you express is really feeling and, in a way, your heart and mind live as if this message was reaching its recipient.
You can use the resource of the letter as many times as you need. In fact, if you like to write, this can be an exercise in creativity at a time when life puts you before a situation marked by existential questions about the brevity of time and the mystery of death. It is usual to have this kind of philosophical dialogue at a time of these characteristics. And writing is a tool to externalize everything that can hurt even more if it is repressed.
The duel in cancerThe photographs of that person or that gift that you did at some point, are details that gain emotional value over the years. Also, enjoy the opportunity to return to those places that remind you of him for some reason. The power of love beyond death is a transcendent reality.
For example, there will be times when you will not be able to avoid being moved by feeling the evocative experience of memories that are nothing more than a manifestation of life in capital letters. However, you will always feel lucky to have had the opportunity to meet him. And, now, from your position, you can also share the anecdotes you remember. When you do it, you give emotional life to the memory of that loved one.