For those who die for someone, but they do not know what's going on with it, suddenly it's nice, but sometimes it disappears, but it seems that you do it, but others just the opposite.
Unavailable personsGiven their childhood and unresolved or assumed trauma, their behavior is always to avoid closeness or to control and trap. In their experience, when they went to their parents to fill their needs, parents probably neglected them, ignored them, scolded them and embarrassed their needs.
- They do not assume their own needs, so when you approach them with certain needs, they say, "No, no, I'm not going to take care of that." When you are with someone like that, you are not really in a relationship; you are in a struggle trying to fill your needs.
- Are married or in a relationship with another person or have been without relationships for years.
- They do not compromise, they do not do it with you or they have done it with other people. (They always blame the other person).
- Are primarily interested in sex, not in emotional connections or are too intense in their emotions from the beginning of the relationship
- Substance addicts
- They do not present you with their friends, family or they want to take you too quickly to their world and enter theirs.
- They are highly seductive, but between their words and their actions, there is a great chasm.
- They constantly send contradictory messages flirt with other people. They do not give clear answers or direct questions. You spend your time trying to understand what he meant.
- Highly narcissistic, they only have space for them, your needs do not count.
- They give you emotional crumbs, letting you see everything they could give you and then they do not comply
HOW TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE THERE IS NO EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY
- They are chaotic relationships in which you are trying to prove to this person that you are worthwhile, and it becomes an emotional roller coaster. Unavailable people have one foot on the brake and one on the accelerator.
- Being with them, makes you feel that you are very needy, that you need too much, this creates embarrassment, anxiety and more attachment. You are validated through this relationship .
- When you are in a relationship like that you become obsessed, your whole world is this relationship.
- When you sacrifice yourself and your needs to be in a relationship with someone who is not available to you.
- Somatize: Continuous anxiety in the body, emotional ups and downs, and frequent stomach pains.
WHY ATTRACT US TO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE
- If you had to take charge in some way of one of your parents, this will be done with your romantic partner, you will try to heal, help, and take care of him. You will try to earn their devotion and love
- The person is convinced that if their needs were not or are not being met is that something is wrong with him / her.
- People who are attracted to unavailable people are people with a terrible relationship with themselves. In addition, remember: It is not a fair battle if you are the one attacking you.
- An available, reliable, stable person goes against your belief system, your inner script.
HOW ARE THE PEOPLE AVAILABLE EMOTIONALLY?
- Emotionally available people, who take responsibility first for their own processes. Who is responsible for what he brings to the relationship.
- Someone who has really filled himself with love, is a person emotionally open to her and therefore to love another being.
- People who do not need constant approval from others, from compliments, from others telling them they are OK to feel good.
- An emotionally available person is someone who is aware of their traumas, wounds, and does not mean that they are totally without them, but they know what is theirs and do not burden them with the "other". That is, he accepts and appropriates his projections; an example of the opposite would be a person who assumes that if the former cheats, the new person will also cheat and then begins with dramas and jealousy.
- Someone available is someone who, knowing this is ready to move forward and receive the new with an open heart.
- Is a person who considers your needs, is willing to listen to you, and puts your needs on a par with yours? Is willing to see your perspective and work with the relationship
- Is a person who responds, not reacts
- Puts healthy limits
- Create calm, calm relationships
- They are people who make us feel calm, stable and know that they will be there for you.
BREAK PATTERNS:It is a vicious cycle, and to break it we need to go inside and see that anxious part. Review how was love and relationships in your family, emotions were respected, as expressed by love. Was not it enough? There are people who feel very uncomfortable with this, and they just do not want to deal with this. There are many people who justify very poor behavior of the parents, or minimize abuses of siblings, "we were only children", and then they end up with people who do not treat them well, who do not give you the attention and affection you deserve.
- You have to open up, become available to you. And it is in this opening that you really realize how open your partner is. How available is it for you.
- Recognize your way of being attached, not so that you are embarrassed but so that you know that you have a problem and that something must be done about it.
- Recognize that it is not that you are too "needy", this does not exist, nobody needs "too much", and it is really that we are ashamed to need.
- Learn to give yourself the love you deserve, give you attention
- Honor your needs; I need affection, I need space, closeness.
- Take responsibility for what is yours and what is the others.
- The only person who can change this is the person who is closed for now. Remember that being available or not having it has nothing to do with love, it is about conditioning and the choice to continue closed or change. This choice can be inspired by love, but still they can be very big steps for someone. Because of this, we need professional help.