Finding love is more complicated than it seems. Why find a person for whom you feel mutual attraction, great complicity, and share values and desire to start a relationship is complicated, let us be honest.
In addition, there are people who may appear to be available to start a relationship and actually are not. Today I helped you identify a person not emotionally available.
What is a person not emotionally available?They are people who, according to their experiences and traumas, do not have their hearts and minds ready to embark on a new relationship. People who seem to be crazy about you one day and the next ignore you, who come and go, who give you one lime and one sand. They completely dislodge you. They may or may not be aware of it, but the truth is that dating a person emotionally unavailable is a real headache.
We all have our own scars.
Each one of us carries our baggage behind us. We load with our resolved and unresolved experiences, our insecurities, expectations, traumas, frustrations, failures, needs and fears, and all this can make us unable to offer a relationship to another person.
When we start a relationship, it is important to see if the other person is emotionally available or not to know where we are going. If you have a bad self-esteem, having a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person can further aggravate your insecurities because you will not have a firm ground on which to tread. The confusion will be the order of the day. They can even make you believe that you need too much, which can generate guilt, when what you ask is nothing more than a normal relationship.
How to identify a person not emotionally available?These types of people can make you feel the most important person and then disappear without explanations. They maintain the relationship as with a dropper so that they do not die but they do not give everything either. It is a "I want and I cannot”, where your needs are the most important and yours are in the background. You feel that you are in a relationship where you do not have any kind of control, but rather that it is the other person who manages how, where and at what time to have contact.
They usually cancel appointments at any time, leaving you lying. Empathy is not one of their characteristics; they will not consider your feelings. You do not have all your attention when you are together or when you are separated, there is always an insurmountable wall. Maintains the distances not to get too involved as a shell, so they have a hard time committing themselves.
An unbalanced relationship creates a lot of insecurity and doubts in the people who are with them.
It does not mean that they are bad people or that you are less special or you lack something that that person wants. It means that these people have their own issues to solve in order to have a healthy relationship and that only they can do.
How to differentiate an emotionally unavailable person?There are a series of signs that can help us identify whether or not a person is emotionally available. Let us see what they are:
- He has a partner. Here there is not much more to say, if you are in a relationship you will hardly be open to having another as bad as things go. You have to close cycles to start others. If you want to have a relationship with a person who has a relationship, it is necessary to end it before.
- He did not get over a past relationship. If you still have your ex-partner in your head, you will hardly have the heart available to you.
- They avoid emotional intimacy. It focuses on short-term intimacy and prefer sexual rather than emotional to avoid exposure.
- Attention to how he talks about his past relationships. He may talk about his exs as if they had the problem and them never. They usually use the typical phrase "my exs are all crazy". This indicates little emotional maturity to know how to detect their own mistakes and assume their responsibility.
- They are reluctant to introduce themselves to their friends . Obviously you will not be introduced to your friends on the first day, but after a while it is normal to want to introduce your friends to the person you are dating.
- He will prefer not to have contact with your family. Forget about taking him / her to your house with your family, you will see it as a sign of commitment and will want to flee in the opposite direction.
- They are not coherent. They usually say one thing and make another completely different. They can say that they love you and then behave as if they did not care. They do not speak clearly; they are very ambiguous, which can generate a lot of stress. Always look at what you see, talk is very easy. Our behavior and how we treat others speak for ourselves.
- It is not interested in you. It does not ask questions about your life, nor about you. Ignore a lot of your life and it does not seem to matter. In addition, you may not know much about his life, which is a real mystery even if the months go by. Alarm of person not available!
- In certain subjects, the crazy ones are made. They are experts in diverting topics that do not interest them, especially those that may indicate commitment, such as talking about marriage, children, living as a couple...
- Attentive to your words. I may even tell you that it is not available but you do not want to see it. The phrases "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "right now is not a good time to start something serious" should be taken seriously and not as a challenge or a phrase. No matter how wonderful you are, if someone is not available it will not stop being for you. It depends on that person to be again if you want, not you or anything you can do.
- They are not able to name what is yours. When they are with you it seems that everything is going well but then at the time of naming your relationship begin the doubts and excuses. When a relationship is starting, it is normal to have some reluctance since we do not know much about the other person. However, if the time passes the same without wanting to put a name to your relationship is to put the alarms into operation.
- When you are wrong, they disappear. It does not matter if you are sick or you are having a bad time, you cannot count on them. They will disappear until you are well or the problem can no longer be spattered. Consider yourself if you really want to have a relationship like that, where the other person leaves when you need it most.
If you are in a relationship like this and you do not know how to leave it, you suffer from emotional dependence. To overcome it, therapy is necessary. In addition, if you have recognized yourself as unavailable, the time has passed and you still cannot recover the way you can commit to another person, then therapy is the best option.
Because remember ... being with a person who is not emotionally available is a waste of brutal energy. Think well if it is worth it.