Breaking a toxic relationship is extremely complicated by the dependency ties that it usually generates. In echo form, a thought sounds: "if to continue in that relationship I have to forget myself, does it really compensate me to continue in that relationship?"
How can I leave behind a toxic relationship? It is a question that is frequently raised by people who are living a harmful relationship and do not know how to get out of that relationship.
In this sense, a toxic relationship destroys us, limits us and prevents us from recognizing ourselves in our way of acting. Given this, the people who attend their development as spectators are questioned, "How do you continue with your partner with all the damage you are doing? Do not you realize what is happening?”
Sometimes, the answer to these last two questions is simple: the person who suffers may not be aware of what is happening or have doubts, since it is not easy to identify these types of relationships when the only thing that seems to surround you is the own relationship. Alternatively, maybe he is aware, but he does not know how to get out.
At this point, it is worth noting that toxic relationships trap us and absorb all our energy, which is why it is so complicated to realize the whole and make the decision to break permanently.
"Leaving behind a toxic relationship means removing the blindfold over time."
Indicators of a toxic relationshipGiven the difficulty of leaving behind a toxic relationship, we wanted to highlight certain characteristic indicators of this type of relationship:
- Sensation of not being heard, so we do not feel comfortable expressing our emotions and thoughts freely.
- Our needs and preferences are relegated to a second, third or fourth level. In addition, when we try to be taken into account, our preferences receive criticism about them, so they are questioned.
- Failures of respect, through verbal and / or non-verbal disqualifications or through threatening or intimidating behaviors. Sometimes, disqualifies your way of dressing and does everything possible to downplay your merits and virtues.
- Feeling afraid of abandonment, given that it generates a feeling of not knowing when it will disappear or will leave us. In this sense, we do not feel safe in the relationship, we do not know if that person will be there or on the contrary break with us on any occasion.
- Try to continually please the couple so that there is no conflict or do not bother about something we do or say.
- Idealization of the relationship and the couple, clinging to the created image of the person and the toxic relationship. It consists of a fictitious image, focused on what good that person could do or say at a specific time in the past, ignoring everything negative and being unable to leave behind the toxic relationship, even if it hurts.
- It is common for toxic people to try to exercise some control in our behavior, using possessive jealousy and emotional blackmail as a form of control. For example, "if you do not do what I want, I get angry." Likewise, "if I do not carry out what the other wants, I feel guilty."
- Behavior of isolation about the people around, because you no longer relate in the same way with others avoiding contact with others to avoid disturbing the couple.
- Feeling that you cannot live without that person is part of the toxic relationships, since it creates an addictive and ambivalent bond in which without you I do not know what to do (add reference)
- Experience weakness, contempt, and little courage. Self-esteem is damaged to the level that you think your partner is worth more than you and you feel grateful for being in that relationship.
I feel a huge pain: how can I leave behind a toxic relationship?
Zero contactZero contact is to get away from the ex-partner after a breakup so that you do not know anything about that person or that person about you. In this way, all contact and all communication is lost. It is essential to also dissociate from all social networks so that you cannot see their profiles or your former partner.
So, what is the use of zero contact? The zero contact serves to recover from the damage you have suffered in this relationship, to heal your wounds. Just as it serves to recover your life, your group of friends and family and, above all, to recover your self-esteem that has been greatly harmed.
In addition, by healing wounds and recovering closeness with your loved ones, you can probably see with more perspective everything that has happened to you: when you leave a toxic relationship, you begin to perceive facts that until that moment we did not see or did not want to see.
Self-esteemFollowing the previous paragraph on zero contact, we highlight the importance of losing all contact with the ex-partner in order to recover and heal damaged self-esteem. In this type of relationship, submerged people live on an illusory certainty: that which affirms that they are not capable of living without the other.
It is at this moment when the recurring questions like "who is going to take care of me?" Begin "who will love me if I am a disaster?" In short, toxic relationships reproduce the belief that we are not worthy of healthy love, so to leave behind a toxic relationship is essential to take care of that image we have of us.
Surround yourself with everything that makes us goodA healthy relationship is one that adds up and does not subtract you: the one that makes you feel bigger, more listened to, more respected, more secure and calm, and not the other way around.
Therefore, it is necessary to surround yourself with people who provide us, with whom we can participate in personal projects.
Also, having a good number of reinforces, far from those that can provide or not the couple makes us stronger and resistant to emotional dependence. Having multiple sources of satisfaction will be an obstacle for the thoughts of dependence to feed back.
Take care of your emotional healthTo conclude, we cannot ignore our emotional health, given that toxic relationships are known to leave certain psychological sequelae such as guilt, confusion, shame and emotional exhaustion. All these wounds require, mainly, care, time and patience to heal them. At this point, it is usual to feel that we are moving very slowly, that the pain is unbearable, that we are not going to get out of this.
Although we see no way out of what we are living, we can, you can. Remember that nothing lasts forever, not even pain. It should be noted that seeking professional help could help us to finally cut this harmful relationship, just as it is essential to surround yourself with loved ones who will help us overcome this break.
"And once the storm is over, you will not remember how you did it, how you survived. You will not even be sure if the storm has really ended. But one thing is certain: when you get out of that storm, you will not be the same person who entered it. That is what the storm is about. "